


Angel Flu

by LadyLanera



Series: Night [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 15, Balthazar and Gabe Drive Jody and Donna Insane, Big Brother Gabriel, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Character Death Fix, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff and Humor, I think those are all the tags, Little Shit Balthazar (Supernatural), M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Parental Jody Mills, Sick Castiel (Supernatural), in spots, later on at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22580392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLanera/pseuds/LadyLanera
Summary: After the events of Big Brothers' Day Off and Ghostly Visits, the unknown illness that has been plaguing Cas suddenly becomes much worse than everyone first suspected. But could the answer to all their prayers be so simple?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel & Sam Winchester
Series: Night [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1522865
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	1. Painful Reminders

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all. It's me again. I'm back with another SPN fic (part of my multi-fic SPN series I've been working on that started with the Night fics). I know. You missed me. Kidding. :) Either way, this will be a five chapter fic when all is said and done. I have it all written out. It was supposed to be another one-shot admittedly, but it turned into this beast. On the behalf of advice from my amazing bestie DaughterOfAres, I will be posting one chapter each week. Blame her if you want updates faster. I wanted to post it all, but she stated I'd overwhelm my lovely readers. Without further ado, enjoy.

Lulling his head to the side feebly, the blue-eyed, messy dark-haired Seraph, who had yanked his Righteous Man out of the deepest fiery levels of Hell and fought off hordes upon hordes of demons in the process eleven years prior, groaned quietly. His throat felt dry and scratchy and positively raw. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment before another groan passed his chapped lips.

"Shh. I got you, kiddo," someone murmured off to his right.

He knew he should have recognized that voice, but he couldn't. Everything hurt. Like his Grace was punishing him for some unknown reason. It was worse than all his experiences with Naomi, the Leviathans, Lucifer even.

His vessel typically ran warmer than the normal 98.6 degrees humans usually were. It was an Angelic vessel thing having to do with Grace. Something he never questioned, never would have thought to, had it not been for his brief stint as a human. Though the more he lost his Grace, the more he found himself noticing the oddities of his vessel.

Dean hated that he still referred to it as his vessel. They had numerous arguments about it. But how was Castiel supposed to consider it his own body when he knew it wasn't, that it was actually a replica of Jimmy Novak's body in fact? He couldn't just dismiss Jimmy's sacrifice. Not when the man had given up so much for Castiel. It was a debt he could never repay.

"Hey," murmured the voice again, closer this time. "It's okay. I got you."

Was this—he knew that voice! He had heard it hundreds of times before, but the pain was too much, too intense, for him to focus on anything other than that. He was burning.

Djinn? Had he run into one accidentally and forgotten? He supposed it was possible. Maybe.

His whole body tensed again as his nerves suddenly roared in brutal pain. The coughing came next, exacerbated by his discomfort. He curled in on himself in hopes to escape it all, wishing whatever this was would just leave in peace.

"I know, kiddo. I know it hurts." The voice, kind and worried, paused for a brief moment. "We're going to figure this out, though. You and me. Got it?"

Fingertips faintly brushed against the back of his sweaty neck in what he supposed was a tender manner. He whimpered, though. The touch, light as it was, made the pain ten times worse.

"Please . . ." he cried, not caring who heard his pleas of anguish. He just wanted it to stop.

"I know. I know, little brother," shakily replied the voice near his ear. "I'll make it quick."

"Please," sobbed the sweet broken angel who begged for his release from his torture.

A hand then replaced the fingertips. His pain soared upwards instantly at the touch. The guttural scream tore from deep within to the Heavens. His Grace seized inside. Pain so blinding, so intense, surrounded every single part of his vessel.

And then quick as it came, the pain diminished. An electric warmth filled him, shoving his pain to the farthest reaches of his insides before it vanished altogether.

He sagged against the mattress once the pain was gone. His chest heaved with breaths he never had needed before. The raven locks, messy as ever, stuck against his forehead, but with each wheezing breath, it slowly became easier to think, to see, to hear.

"Cas?"

He closed his eyes at hearing his name and sighed disappointingly. That answered one question.

"You know what?" The voice forced a mirthless laugh. "That's fine. That's totally fine, brat. I mean, it's not like I haven't been sitting here with you all day, worrying or anything, giving you some of my Grace as well so you don't end up dying or some such crap. No. No. It's fine. I mean, I get it. I don't have green eyes and freckles and Daddy issues galore. I'm just your big brother. Right?"

One blue eye peeked open, glancing at his sandy-haired older brother who knelt by his bedside.

"Thank you," Cas rasped.

"Oh, he speaks!" mocked the archangel, clearly irritated for some reason. His brother then grabbed a glass from the bedside table and held it out patiently, the straw brushing against Cas's lips. "Pretend it's your boyfriend's—"

"Gabriel!" hissed a woman from behind the archangel, cutting him off.

Cas took a sip from the straw, though, looking on curiously. He was surprised to discover that the glass held some sort of flavored water that his brother was offering him. It tasted . . . pleasant.

Amber eyes rolled dramatically before the sandy-haired man sighed, pulling away the glass when Cas swallowed. "Yes, Mother."

Glassy blue eyes narrowed on his brother. Mother? They didn't have a mother. Though, he supposed, they did have an asshole for a father. He winced in sympathy when he heard the resulting smack nearby. He couldn't see whom the woman was as Gabriel and his stupid red plaid shirt took up his entire vision unfortunately. The woman's voice also sounded muffled for some reason as well.

"What did I say about calling me that? Honestly." The woman huffed again. Boots echoed against the cement floor as she approached. "There you are."

He blinked in surprise before he glanced at Gabriel. When had Sheriff Mills arrived? And why? She should have been with the girls in Sioux Falls. Not here in the bunker. Had something happened? Was Claire all right?

"How are you feeling, Castiel?" she asked gently, giving the Seraph a warm, loving smile.

"How do you think he feels?"

"Gabriel, I swear to—don't make me shoot you," Jody remarked coldly, her eyes darting to the archangel as her hands went to her hips. She was wearing her civilian clothes and not her uniform.

"You need to lighten up, Mom," Gabriel replied with his usual shit-eating grin.

She smacked the archangel hard again in the arm.

"Go see where Dean is," she ordered, glaring harder at the sandy-haired man.

"All right." Gabriel's eyes then darted back to Castiel before he gently ruffled the younger's hair affectionately. "Be good for Mom, all right, little bro?"

"Gabriel!"

The archangel chuckled loudly but left without another word, snapping his fingers.

Jody sighed quietly the moment Gabe was gone. She turned back and smiled at Cas.

"So, let's try this again. How are you feeling?"

"Better than before, I suppose," answered the angel quietly. His eyes then narrowed as he glanced back at the door. "Sheriff?"

"Jody, Cas," she replied, glancing back. "You can call me Jody."

"As you wish." He forced a weak smile to his lips. "Why is he referring to you as 'Mother?"

"Because your brother is an annoying little shit," she stated, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Which I'm sure you know better than I do."

Did he ever. His tongue ran lightly against his lips, tasting the salt from his sweat earlier. He craved more of the salty taste, which he knew was another sign of his failing Grace. He then laughed quietly as he thought how good a cheeseburger actually sounded right then.

"I apologize that you were called for this," he said quietly a moment later.

She waved his apology away, though. "It's fine. I had to drop Jack back off anyway."

"Jack's home?" His spirits lifted temporarily.

"He is." She smiled warmly at him. "He's in the library with the girls last I saw."

Was Claire here as well?

His stomach unexpectedly rolled then. He quickly sat up, groaning as he tried to push himself up in haste to rush to the bathroom. Jody moved back from him instantly and gave him space, likely realizing what was going on. He managed to get one foot down on the floor, but his other caught on the blanket. Jody tried to grab him, but he slipped through her fingers and slammed hard onto the floor.

He closed his eyes as he felt another wave of nausea surge upwards. Knowing he wouldn't make it, he tried to concentrate on his flickering Grace, willing it to dispel his discomfort. It, too, failed. He knelt on all fours, coughing violently as he felt the water expel from his stomach.

"Oh, sweetheart," Jody murmured near him before a bucket swiftly appeared in front of him. "It's okay. Use the bucket."

His hands grasped it tightly, as if it would be the answer to all his problems. Another wave surged forward. Helpless to stop it, he succumbed to the wretched action once more, hating himself even more for it. Several moments passed before he finally groaned, stomach empty. His body shook cruelly from chills that had seeped deep within his vessel.

"You good?" she asked lightly.

"No," he rasped, his body leaning into hers instinctively as she ran fingers tenderly through his hair. It felt nice. He liked it when Dean did this sometimes as well. When she paused, he groaned and moved his head slightly to seek more of her loving touch. "I would rather urinate for hours than that."

She laughed quietly, resuming her gentle carding of his hair. "Yeah. Being human sometimes sucks, doesn't it?"

"Indeed." His eyes slowly closed as he felt himself relax. He could almost fall asleep if she continued this. Which he hoped she would. It was nice. "Ineffable."

"What?" she replied with a soft laugh. "Been reading _Good Omens_ , have we?"

"No," he murmured, his breathing evening out. He had never felt this at peace before. There were moments with Dean, but this was different. "Gabriel forced me to watch it," he explained, "claiming he was nothing like that version."

"Yeah. He's definitely no Jon Hamm. That's for sure."

He smiled weakly. No. His brother was not. As he heard the door creak open, he glanced towards it. Speak of the amber-eyed devil.

Gabriel walked in a moment later, his eyes briefly flickering to the spot where Cas had gotten sick. Without a word, he snapped his fingers, and the mess vanished on both the floor and in the bowl. His face was neutral, but his eyes conveyed his concern.

"I may be no Jon Hamm, but I am your kickass, awesome big brother, brat," remarked the sandy-haired archangel a moment later. "So awesome, in fact, I got Jody and the kids here for you. Not to mention, I've been keeping your boyfriend in the loop with everything."

"How far out is he still?" asked the sheriff of Sioux Falls.

"Said they were just pulling into Lebanon now. Should be about five or ten minutes from now," the archangel answered respectfully, his tone taking on a rare seriousness.

"Good." Jody sighed quietly before she turned back towards the angel she was holding. "What do you say to us getting you back into bed, hmm?"

Cas groaned instantly. He didn't want to move at all. He was finally comfortable and relaxed.

"I know. But it's going to hurt like a bitch later if you don't," she explained softly, her fingers still carding through his hair gently.

"It already hurts like a bitch," admitted the Seraph glumly. The ache was low, deep within his joints and bones, but clearly there.

"Come on, Cassie," drawled Gabriel, stepping forward and gently grabbing a hold of him. "Up you go." He practically carried the Seraph back to bed before he set him back down.

Castiel huffed the moment he felt the memory foam mattress again. When his big brother then pressed a hand against his forehead, he frowned. Gabriel was fussing again. He hated when his brother was fussing like this about him. He was fine. Weak sure, losing Grace yes, but he wasn't utterly useless and pathetic like Gabriel was acting like he was. Honestly. What if Dean walked in and saw—

Whiskey-colored eyes snapped to the baby blues harshly.

Cas winced instantly, his eyes falling to the blanket guiltily. Had he broadcasted that across Angel Radio? He hadn't meant to if that were the case.

"Then your precious boyfriend," his older brother commented, glaring down at him "would join me in my annoying fussing over you, brat, and you would sit there like a good angel and let us take care of you because we love you. Got it?"

The deep blues gradually raised to meet his older brother's amber. He defiantly held his brother's gaze for a moment before the corner of Cas's lips tugged upwards slightly.

Jody stared at him somberly, as if she wanted to embrace him again.

"But I'm not a good angel."

"What?!"

"I'm not a good angel," he repeated calmly.

"How the fuck can you say that?" growled his brother, whiskey eyes hardening. "You are the best damn angel there is, Castiel!"

"No."

"No? No?!" Gabriel squawked. "Listen here, little brother—"

"I'm the _rebel_ angel," Castiel cut in sharply, his bright eyes twinkling feebly in amusement. "Remember? The sassy one sometimes but definitely always the rebel."

His older brother paused for a moment, staring at him before he chuckled inwardly. All anger forgotten again. "Yeah, Cas. Yeah you are." He ruffled the raven, messy hair then before he glanced at Jody. "Oh, yeah, before I forget, Mom Number 2 needed your help."

"Donna, Gabriel. Her name is Donna," Jody replied with a long, suffering sigh. She then glanced at Cas briefly. "Are you going to be okay with him for a minute?"

"Yeah. We'll be fine," drawled the mischievous angel, grinning widely. "Thanks for asking."

"I was talking to Castiel, not you," she replied with a flicker of irritation.

"Ouch. Mom, why you gotta hurt me like that?" feigned the archangel, pressing a hand against his chest with a sad look. "First, Dad abandons us. And then you start dating again—"

Jody's jaw clenched painfully tight before she growled and whirled away, throwing her hands up into the air. "I swear . . ."

"Love you, Mom!" the youngest of four archangels yelled back to her, chuckling when she slammed the door shut behind her. "She loves me."

Cas huffed a soft laugh. "You mean like Sam does?"

The sandy-haired man's grin widened exponentially. "Exactly. He just doesn't know it yet. I'll win his heart yet, though."

Cerulean eyes rolled hard. "Just don't die again, brother."

"Only if you promise the same," Gabriel retorted, glancing down at him. He then sighed inwardly before he pressed a hand against Cas's forehead again.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Putting your hand on my forehead," he answered quietly.

"Why? Is it hurting you again?" Gabriel pulled his hand back slightly.

"No. It's just . . . strange."

"Strange?" His big brother scoffed, shaking his head. "I think the word you meant there is it feels nice, not strange. Humans do this sort of thing all the time when one of them is sick. Feel the sick human to check their temperature, signs of infection, etc."

"Yes, but we're not humans."

"Just shut up and let me do this, all right?" snapped the older angel sharply before he shook his head and took a step back, turning away from him.

Cas's eyes narrowed on his brother for a moment. He watched the silent archangel, noting the man's shoulders hunching up slightly as if Gabriel felt attacked for some reason. Though, Cas didn't have a clue why. He was merely asking a question.

"Gabriel?"

"What?"

Cas frowned at the rare coldness he heard in his brother's voice. "Why are you angry with me? Have I done something wrong?" He hadn't thought so. But then again, he had a whole list of things where he hadn't believed he was doing wrong and he really had.

"I'm not angry at you, kiddo," his brother replied, his shoulders sagging before he turned back. He smiled somberly back as he returned to Cas's bedside. "I just don't know what this is. Or how to help you. Or, you know, anything, and it's frustrating." He sighed heavily. "Because you shouldn't be in that bed sick like this. You should be—I don't know—baking Dean a pie or carving his name with little stupid hearts or something. Not this, though."

"You're worried then?" His head tilted slightly. "About me?"

"Of course I'm worried about you, idiot. You're my bratty little brother, and I love you."

"I'm fine." He caught Gabriel's eyeroll but said nothing. "You don't need to worry about me. I'm feeling much better now than I was before."

"For now."

"Yes, for now, but soon Dean will be home."

Amber eyes widened before they narrowed into slits. His brother drew in a sharp breath, forcing a deadly smile. He then made a noise that sounded torn between a feral growl and cold laugh.

"What?" It was true after all. Soon Dean would be home. Gabriel had said it himself after all.

"What?" repeated the sandy-haired man, inhaling sharply as his jaw clenched more. He held up a finger and then cleared his throat. "Oh, kiddo." His eyes closed, and he drew in another sharp breath. "I've been with you all night."

"Yes. I know that. And I appreciate it."

"No." He shook his head at him. "No, baby bro. This time—this time you're going to listen to me. Okay? Could you do that for me? Please? Because this is important. This is what sets us apart from the boys we love, okay?"

Cas nodded slowly, clearly puzzled by his brother's behavior. "As you wish."

"Thank you." Gabriel then ran a hand through his hair and sighed loudly. "I've sat with you all night. I've seen you curl in on yourself in that very bed, whimpering, crying." He held up a hand the second Cas opened his mouth. "No. Shut your stupid mouth. I'm talking here." He waited until Cas inclined his head again. "I held you so many times tonight, knowing you hadn't a damn clue because of how much pain you were in. I heard all the pleading, all the screams, all of it. Hell, I felt it too. Me, Castiel. Me! Your brother! Do you have any idea—any clue—kiddo, how that made me feel?"

The young Seraph stared back numbly, the words echoing in his mind. He could see his brother's control slipping more and more with each word, which he knew was rare in the older. The pain he felt now hurt more than the physical pain. His chest constricted, but he couldn't move.

"To see you in pain, to feel _that_ pain, and know all I could do is hold you and give you a bit of my Grace to heal you? Only to learn later my actions meant to alleviate all that was just a temporary fix. That it would just start up again in an hour or so later and we would repeat the whole saga again and again." Tears streaked down Gabriel's cheeks as he held the wide oceanic blues. "I thought you were . . . I thought . . ." Amber eyes darted to the side of the room angrily, flashing with a spark of Grace before they returned to their normal color. "Kiddo, I . . . I lost you once. Okay?" He nodded slowly as if this was the most important thing in the world right then. "Because I left like the asshole I am. But I'm here now, Castiel, and I'm all in. I am! So, I need you to hear me."

Cas opened his mouth to respond, but Gabriel continued with his voice becoming even shakier.

"I am not going to lose you. That ain't an option! So, I'm going to figure this out. And if that means I have to move mountains, well, then by Dad's will, I'll fucking move them! I'll move them better and farther than Dad ever fucking did! Got it?"

"And that goes for me, too," a voice gruffly piped up from the doorway.

"Dean." Cas watched the tall, green-eyed Hunter in his usual flannel and blue jeans step into the room. He was home. Finally.

"Hey, Sunshine." Dean then glanced at Gabe and tipped his head forward. "Asshole."

"Cocksucker," Gabriel greeted back neutrally.

Sharply pressing his tongue hard against his right cheek, Dean raised a brow slowly, crossing his arms as he stared back emotionlessly at the archangel for a moment. "Seriously? That's the best you got? Cocksucker?" Dean scoffed, forcing his smile a bit more. "You're slipping, man. I've heard better insults from your brother than that."

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. I had a long night," huffed the sandy-haired man. "Speaking of, how was your session with Rogers? Get those Daddy issues worked out yet?"

Dean shrugged before he walked further into the room. "It was enlightening, yeah." Bright green eyes gave Cas a quick once over before the Hunter turned back to the archangel. "Saw our guest earlier."

Cas's eyes narrowed in confusion. Their guest? He watched Gabriel's face rapidly mold into a mask of neutrality, which added more to his puzzlement. What was he missing?

"Did you now?"

"Which guest?" Cas interrupted quietly. "Do you mean the girls?" Jody had stated the others were here with Jack as well. Warning bells sounded when he caught Gabriel and Dean's instant minute flinches at his question. Now, he needed to know. "Who else is here?" he demanded. Dean immediately glanced at Gabriel. They didn't respond. "Brother, answer me. Who else is in the bunker?" When he realized neither were going to answer, he shook his head. "I see." He drew in a breath, knowing he'd likely need it with how weak he was still feeling. "Then, I'll see for myself."

"Like hell you are," Dean remarked, quickly stepping up with Gabriel at his side.

Cas pushed them both away, stumbling slightly as he walked towards the door.

"Come on, man! Stop!" his Hunter pleaded behind him. "You need to rest."

"No." The angel turned back suddenly, his hand slapping hard against the wall to keep himself upright as he swayed dangerously. "What I need is for people to quit hiding things from me."

Dean's deep greens glanced once more to Gabe.

Gabriel shook his head, though, holding up a hand to the Hunter.

They were conspiring against him. How was he supposed to protect them both when they hid stuff all the damn time? Cas huffed thoroughly annoyed and turned back to the door.

"It's Balthazar. All right?" Dean finally called out.

"What?" He had to have heard that wrong. With his hand pressed hard against the wall again, he slowly rotated back to glance at his human. He saw Dean's heartbroken look and felt his stomach drop. His fingers dug into the wall to keep himself upright.

"In addition to Jack and the girls and everyone, Balthazar's here too, Cas."

Glassy blue eyes fell to the floor as the Seraph's head spun. Balthazar? No. It couldn't be.

" _Well, you've—you've always got little old me," the ghostly voice echoed in his mind._

He felt the jolt of pain instantly as the memory from long ago flashed behind his eyes. He remembered clear as day the feel of his blade plunging deep within his brother's back. His Grace seized again violently inside.

"Cas!"

"Fuck! Move, Winchester!"

Two seconds later, everything went black, and the hot, blinding pain that had raced through his veins vanished. Everything disappeared into nothingness. And he let it.

" _Cas . . ."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time on Angel Flu: Grumpy Cas graces Dean with his presence.


	2. Wretched Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shh, this is going to be our little secret. Okay? :) I couldn't force all of you to wait a week for this chapter since it's so short when the others are quite a bit longer. So, as always, enjoy, my lovelies.

Pieces of a conversation between Dean and Gabe later filtered in under the small gap in the door as Cas slowly regained consciousness. His head lulled to the side again. He could feel Dean's supportive memory form mattress underneath him once more. Someone had obviously moved him back to bed. He licked his chapped lips slightly and blinked a few times, fighting against his extreme exhaustion.

"Well, that went about as well as I thought it would," Dean remarked from the hallway.

"Yeah." Gabe sounded withdrawn for some reason and so very unlike himself.

"Why didn't you tell him earlier, though, man?"

"I'm sorry." He clearly wasn't. "Did you not just see how my brother reacted, Winchester?"

"I saw it, but we could have—"

"Unbelievable."

"Hey, no, man. I get it. Okay? I do." A loud huff slipped beneath the door. "I lie to Sammy a lot too in the name of protecting him, but—shit, we can't just keep lying to them all the time, though. Sometimes we have to, you know, trust them and stuff."

"Trust them and stuff? Wow! They did test you before they let you in the bunker, right?"

"Ha-ha, very funny, asshole."

Coughing quietly, Cas missed his brother's response. He groaned as he felt the tightness in his chest worsen. He was getting sicker unfortunately. Though, maybe this was for the best. Maybe karma had finally reared its ugly head, and he was going to get his just sweets. Or however that saying went.

"He's going to be okay, right, Gabe?"

Blue eyes snapped to the door again.

"Yeah. Course he is. Because we're going to move mountains, remember?"

Dean's subdued chuckles seeped beneath the door. "Damn straight we are." A heavy sigh then immediately filtered inside. "So."

"Yep."

"Is there anything I can do? Like, let him use our bond or some such shit like that?"

"No." His brother lowered his voice just a bit before he added, "Unfortunately."

"Peachy."

"Just, you know, sit with him. Do the human crap you guys do whenever one of you is sick. And if he gets really bad, well, you know how to reach me."

"So, you are going to see Balthazar then?"

"Yeah." Gabriel sighed heavily. "Because I'm a glutton for punishment today, it seems, and feel like getting my heart ripped out some more by watching another brother helplessly."

"Yeah."

Another long pause sat heavy outside the room.

"Do you think we should—"

"Let them see one another? Probably. But not right now. Not with Cas so ill and Balthazar . . ."

"Yeah."

Cas's brows furrowed. What did that mean? With Balthazar being what? Was the angel injured as well? Having issues with his Grace? What?

"I think I'll let Jack and Claire see Cas sometime today."

"He'd likely appreciate that, I'm sure."

"Yeah." It was Dean's turn to sigh heavily. "Fuck, man, I just . . ."

"Listen to me. We will figure this out. Understand?"

"Gabe, I mean, if what you were saying earlier was—how am I supposed to keep my shit together and stay calm when we don't even know what the hell this is?"

"Dean, buddy, it's simple. Okay? You don't." He paused for half a second. "Obviously don't panic him, but just hold him. Tell him you love him. All that shit you give Sam crap for—do that."

"What about you?"

"Me?" Gabriel forced a dark laugh. "I'll do whatever it takes to save him. No matter the cost. I'm the archangel Fucking Gabriel. It's about time I acted like it."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I'll break bread with Michael. I'll talk to fucking Naomi. Go to Hell myself and speak to the demons. Hell, I'll beg Dad if it comes down to it."

"Really? You'd talk to Chuck?"

"Winchester, at this point, I'd find a damn crossroads demon if it meant saving Cas. Trust me. And Hellhounds—they don't fucking scare me. Not when I still remember Luci's trick with them."

"There's a trick?"

"There's always a trick."

"Wait. You know this, but you can't figure out the difference between a vampire and a—"

"I'm an archangel, Dean, not a Hunter."

"Yeah. Obviously."

"You know what? Just for that—no pie."

"Good. I didn't want your asshole pie anyway, dumbass."

"Good."

"Perfect."

"Awesome."

The door then creaked open followed by boots thumping against the floor. Cas grimaced at the light that flooded the room as someone walked in. He blinked against it and waited. The door closed silently behind the person a moment later, allowing him to see his visitor properly.

"There you are, Sunshine." Dean smiled at him, his soul flickering with bright light like a strobe light, as he approached. He paused for a moment and motioned to the clear liquid filled glass on the nightstand. "Think you can sit up for a minute and drink this?"

Cas huffed in response and pushed himself up, hissing at the annoying pain that had resulted in the action. Stupid sickness. Just once he wanted to move without it hurting anymore. He hated this. Humanity sucked. Though there were likely some aspects he could enjoy immensely, illness was not one. His frown deepened as he watched Dean hold the straw close to his lips.

"I can do that."

"I'm sure you can, but just—let me take care of you, will you?"

The angel sipped the drink silently a moment later, finding his mind wander back to earlier. The drink was still the pleasant taste of something fruity that his brother had offered him. He took a few more sips, glaring when Dean took it back from him unexpectedly. He wasn't done!

"Hey, don't give me that. Jody told me all about what happened earlier. I'm just trying to prevent that from happening again." He quietly turned away to set the glass down. "We can try again in a bit."

"Fine."

Dean gave him a soft smile, gently sitting on the edge of the bed. "Other than being thirsty, having a fever, and collapsing, how you doin'?"

Castiel shook his head, though. No. They were not going to do this. Not this time.

"What's wrong with Balthazar?"

He caught Dean's surprise before the green-eyed hunter rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Caught that, did you?"

"I am a Celestial being, Dean," he replied grumpily. His mood was souring the more he was forced to wait for an answer. He frankly felt like shit, and Dean was unfortunately not helping at all.

"I know." The green eyes fell to the blanket as the corners of the man's lips quirked slightly upwards as if he was fighting off a smile.

"I fail to see what's so funny," groused the Seraph.

"Nothing, Cas. Just—I forgot how—never mind." He sighed heavily and started again. "Um, well, I don't think anything's wrong with him, really. He's just sort of in shock about being back now. He's still the sarcastic dick he always was. Just a little bit more restrained than usual."

"Then why doesn't Gabriel believe I should see him?"

"Honestly?" Dean stared at him flabbergasted. "Uh, well, let's see—because you killed him and tore yourself up about it for years? Because you just had some sort of fit at hearing about his return? Take your pick there, buddy. And while I didn't agree before, I do now. You don't need that."

Cas growled under his breath, flopping his head back against the headboard. "I'm tired of hearing what I do and do not need, Dean."

"Yeah, well, I'm tired of losing you, Cas. So, you know, there's that."

Blue eyes sharply darted to his human. Something was different about the Hunter now. He couldn't put his finger on it, but it was clearly there. Something had changed.

"Who was Rogers?"

"What?"

"Gabriel asked you about a session with Rogers. Who is this Rogers?"

Confused for half a second, Dean stared at him. He then shrugged, clearly deciding whatever it was he was thinking could wait. "He was a children's TV host out in Pittsburgh. Sammy and I used to watch it sometimes. It was meant to help kids deal with their emotions and stuff."

Cas nodded. Yes, he vaguely could recall something about a show like that from his so-called upgrade from Metatron years back. Something about a red cardigan and puppets, he thought. He felt his Grace shrivel inside at the mental image, but his mind quickly returned to his earlier irritation.

"You obviously didn't watch enough of it, then," the grumpy angel stated bluntly, "considering your 'emotional constipation' you suffer."

"Wow." Dean huffed a laugh, his tongue pressed against his cheek again. "Not sure if I'm liking this Grumpy Cas."

"Yes, well, I'm not particularly liking you either right now," he grumbled back, craning his neck as he tried to concentrate on his little bit of Grace that had shrunken to the very deepest part of his vessel. He could almost reach it. It was just right there. And if he could reach it, then he could fix this and feel more like himself again. "With your . . . perfect green eyes and flashing disco ball soul and stupid smile and painted freckles and . . ." His Grace retreated further into his vessel, causing his eyes to flash angrily. "You think too loudly. All the time."

"Anything else?" Dean replied, clearing his throat quietly.

"Yes. You snore," he huffed, still focusing all his energy on reaching his failing Grace. "I've heard beavers bring trees down quieter than your snoring."

"All right." The green-eyed man inhaled sharply, his jaw working back and forth with a pinched face. "Any other complaints?"

"Many," Cas deadpanned, feeling his stomach start to roll with the intense waves of nausea again. He pushed through it, though, focusing on his complaints instead. He could do this. It just took discipline. He was stronger than his illness. "Your excuse for 'cleaning your pipes' for example."

Dean made a choking-like sound but motioned for him to continue.

"Your pipes do not need cleaned, so there's no need to do it. Not when I am fully capable of pressing two fingers to you and eradicating anything that would—"

Loud belly laughs burst out of Dean. The man doubled over, shaking the bed with his laughter.

Cas's eyes widened slightly as he felt his stomach lurch violently in response to the rocking bed. Oh no! His eyes squeezed shut, and he frantically fought for any bit of Grace to quell the formidable nausea. When Dean slapped a hand against his shoulder and jostled him, it broke his concentration. His eyes flew open, and he shoved Dean hard from him, panicking inside. He heard Dean's surprised yelp followed by a hard thump but ignored it as he snatched the bucket from the nightstand and vomited back up the stupid fruity water again.

Absolutely fucking horrible!

He coughed up more water, his body shaking once again as the chills seeped in.

"Oh," he heard quietly from the floor.

 _Oh?_ _That was all the assbutt had to say? Oh?!_

When he heard the door open a moment later, he half-squinted through the wretched bright light before he openly glared murderously at the tall silhouetted intruder.

"Close the damn door," the angel growled, feeling his headache return with a vengeance.

"Uh . . ."

"Just do it, Sammy," Dean replied quietly, slowly picking himself up off the floor.

"Dean, you're—"

"Yeah I know." The green-eyed Hunter walked back to the bed, though, pressing a hand to the back of his head with a wince. "You good, Cas?"

"Good?" snapped the Seraph, his temper in control. "No, Dean. I am not 'good' currently." He closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing. His head felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing an Angel Blade in it. His joints hurt. His bones hurt more. And he was fucking cold. He hated being cold. "I've found myself captive to the brutal bitch that is nausea because of you and your assbutt ways."

"I know, man. I'm sorry." Dean then glanced at his brother, his hand falling to his side quietly. "Something you need, Sam?"

"No. Not really. I just heard the noise."

The eldest Winchester nodded, forcing his smile. "Yeah. I'll bet." He then jerked at the tray in the taller man's hands. "What about that, though? Gabe send it?"

"No. Jody. She thought we should take his temperature soon because she thought he looked a little flushed earlier."

"My temperature is fine," Cas ground out. He was not completely useless. He was still an angel.

"Yeah, well, just humor us humans, will you?" Dean replied patiently, grabbing the thin instrument from the tray. "Open up and say 'ah.' All right?"

"No."

"Cas—"

"Dean! No!"

"We need to check your temperature to make sure you're fine," Dean cut in sharply, having none of Cas's current attitude anymore. "Yeah I know. You say you're fine. But you do look a little flushed. So, please, man." His voice lowered into a pained, almost pleading tone. "I'm asking. All right?"

The Seraph glared back at his boyfriend, though. His temperature was fine. A little warmer than usual, sure, but he was battling some illness of some kind, so it was to be expected.

"You all act like I'm dying. And while I feel as if I am, I am not. This will pass." It always did.

"Wonderful," the lighter-haired man replied, his smile a bit more forced than before as the deep green hardened. "So, humor us."

"No."

"Castiel—"

"Dean, I said no! I'm fine." Or he would be once he managed to get his Grace up to acceptable levels again.

"You're puking, Cas. That ain't fine!"

"It is a symptom of my diminished Grace. That's all. Once I am allowed to rest, it will—"

"Oh, fuck this!" the human huffed, tossing aside all pretenses now. "Sammy."

"Uh," replied the taller Hunter hesitantly, clearly not sure this was the right course of action, "Dean, maybe we should—"

"Now, Sam! Or I'll give Gabe all sorts of info about you to use."

When the Winchester brothers suddenly descended on him, Dean quickly wrapping him up in a tight embrace and Sam leaning forward with that damn thermometer, Cas felt his temper explode. Those insolent little assbutts! He had said no! He wiggled in Dean's arms, growling when he found his strength quickly waning. How the hell could Dean be stronger than him? He was a goddamn angel! Not only that, a Seraph even! Stupid diminished Grace. He glared murderously at Sam as the taller Winchester forced his mouth open and slipped the offending object inside.

The door opened again, and Castiel snarled with a bit of his True Voice slipping out.

"What in the Nine Hells is going on in here?" demanded the latest intruder. Gabriel of course.

"Getting a temperature from Grumpy Brat over here," Dean huffed, his arms tightening more around Castiel who fought even harder now to escape. "And he's being a giant pain in the ass with it."

The sandy-haired man sighed heavily. "You realize you could have literally just asked me to do that, right?" his older brother asked as he sauntered into the room a moment later. "Because—boys, I hate to tell you this—all you're doing right now is pissing him off."

"And, _what_ , you somehow are the Cas whisperer now, asshole?"

"No. But I do know my brother has never enjoyed things forced on him, jackass."

"He wasn't—Damn it, Cas, stop fucking fighting—cooperating!"

"For the love of Dad almighty," the archangel muttered. "I leave you two idiots alone for one damn minute with him and you do this." He then snapped his fingers, sending Dean and Sam to chairs pushed against the far wall and vanishing the thermometer from Cas's mouth. Whiskey eyes inspected the murderous-looking Seraph for a moment before he sighed quietly. "Better?"

Cas's sapphire eyes flashed angrily and grew colder. How dare those disrespectful, pathetic, weak—He'd teach them a lesson they'd surely never forget then. His hand suddenly flew up, his middle finger and thumb pressed hard against one another in obvious sign of snapping.

"Oh no you don't!" remarked the archangel, snapping his fingers faster. "No punishing the stupid humans! Not when these two idiots only did it because they love you and are worried about you."

"I said I was fine," Cas snarled, looking downright feral and feeling it inside. He had always had a raging temper unfortunately.

"You _always_ say you're fine, little brother," retorted Gabe, matching Cas's tone as he raised a challenging brow back.

"I learned it from them!"

"Oh, I know!" The youngest archangel glanced at the two silent plaid-clad and jean wearing Hunters. "I know you did. I'm acutely aware of that. Thank you very much." He then sighed, shaking his head. His eyes reluctantly returned to his blue-eyed little brother. "Cas?"

"Yes?" The Seraph's eyes narrowed minutely. Something seemed off. He couldn't put a finger on it, though. But the way Gabe had said his name, it didn't sit right with him for some reason. It was his brother, though. Gabe would never hurt him. Annoy the shit out of him, yes, but not hurt him.

"I'm sorry."

He was sorry? "For what, Brother?" Cas tilted his head slightly in obvious confusion.

Without another word, his older brother snapped his fingers a second later.

The harsh, sudden snap echoed in his ears, as the blue-eyed, messy-haired angel instantly fell back against the mattress. His head lightly thumped the headboard before his eyes slowly fluttered closed. He soon drifted off to dreamless slumber, unable to do anything else but that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time on Angel Flu: Balthazar finally saunters into the mix. I'll likely be updating again Wednesday night and then resuming my one week in between postings.


	3. Feverish Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all. So, I'll get right to it. This is a pretty heavy chapter in parts, but it'll get less heavy next chapter. There's some dubious medicine being used in this chapter, but--hey, it's fanfic, right? :) Who's ready for Balthy? As always, enjoy. :)

"Okay. Let me get this straight," announced a woman suddenly nearby.

Cas's deep blue eyes snapped open in response, surprise jolting him awake. He glanced around the room suspiciously and frowned deeply. He had half-expected to find himself back up in Heaven in one of Naomi's rooms. But instead he was in the Bunker's infirmary now, which appeared empty save for him. How long had he been out this time, he wondered. He was losing time again. Like he had when Naomi had messed with his mind. And he hated it. Craning his neck, too weak to move otherwise, his eyes widened as he caught the IV bag of some milky white liquid hanging on a pole and followed the tube down to where the needle was in his arm.

"You two idiots came at him with a thermometer. And then you, Goldilocks, snapped your stupid fingers and snapped him unconscious?" a very exasperated Jody Mills stated. "Do I have that right?"

"Yes."

"Unfortunately."

The Seraph's eyes darted back to the doorway where he knew the conversation was taking place. Dean and Sam had answered her, as well as Gabriel.

Jody made an indiscernible sound, though, before something thumped hard against the wall.

"Of course you three did. Why the hell wouldn't you? But, here's a thought, boys. Did you think you could have stopped and went, 'Hey, Castiel. We're worried about you. We think you may have a really high fever, and we just want to make sure you're okay.' You know—use your damn words!"

Cas considered this for a moment. Would it have made a difference if they had explained a bit more about why they were doing that? Maybe. It was hard to say really. He had felt rather wretched earlier and was, most regrettably, extremely bitchy and emotional.

His eyes fell back to the IV. They were injecting something into him. Perhaps that was why he felt better now. Thinking back to his time watching over Donatello, he tried to recall what this fluid could possibly be. At first he had thought it was saline, but it wasn't the right color.

"He wasn't listening, Jody," Dean argued.

"Of course he wasn't listening! You were manhandling him while he felt like absolute crap! Forcing him into yet another situation he didn't want to be in!" The Sheriff of Sioux Falls huffed loudly. "Donna, help me out here. Will you?"

"Sure, Jodes."

Cas winced in sympathy for the boys.

"We did the right—"

"Did ya, though? Did ya really?" Donna replied with an obvious sickly-sweet murderous smile in her voice. "Cause, ya know, lookin' at it from my perspective, not just from the law side of things either, looks to me like ya boys done screwed up with that adorable angel of ours."

"He'll be—"

"Oh, I'd think real carefully if I were you about your next words."

"Why? You gonna shoot me, Donna?" drawled the Hunter.

Cas closed his eyes and sighed inwardly. _Oh, Dean._

A second later, the green-eyed Hunter let out a howl.

Instinctively, the angel tried to sit up and rush to him. Every bit of his weakened Grace hummed. His fierce sense of protectiveness for his human was sent into overdrive. However, his vessel refused to cooperate and forced him to stay confined to the cot. In fact, other than his arm outstretching, he hadn't moved that much. It was utterly infuriating. Was this some new form of torture Naomi had devised?

"What the hell! Let go!" Dean screamed again.

Cas's mind raced with various scenarios of what, in fact, was happening on the other side of the wall that separated him from Dean. He knew without a doubt the real sheriffs wouldn't hurt Dean the same way, say, a werewolf or demon would, but he hated feeling so helpless, forced to hear the yells.

"That hurts! Stop!"

"Dean," called out the Seraph, his voice raspy and low. There was no way the humans heard him, not with how weak he sounded, but he was positive Gabriel would have at least. If his idiot older brother was paying attention that was, which he likely wasn't since Sam was there too.

"Goddamn it, Donna!" Dean hissed in pain again. "Let go!"

"I can put up with a lot of things, boys, but sass right now ain't one of them."

Cas craned his head more, his right arm outstretched further to the door. He had to get to Dean. He had to save him. He had to. He had failed with everything else, but he couldn't fail the man he loved.

"Something funny there, Goldilocks?" Jody remarked a moment later, breaking the panicking angel's concentration for a split second. Gabe!

"No," quietly replied his older brother, clearing his throat. "I'm good."

The Seraph's eyes flashed with a flicker of Grace as he tried once more to reach them. He almost had it. Just a little bit more, and he could get their attention. He could—

"But Cas isn't currently," announced his older brother a moment later.

"What?" the others gasped.

With his arm still outstretched and his body halfway off the cot with the tubing pulled tight from the bag, Cas found himself at an odd angle when they rushed in soon after. He caught their looks instantly and shrunk back into the hard, lumpy mattress in response. However, his eyes still managed to look Dean over somehow, finding only his human's right ear reddened.

He needed to get a better handle of himself. He was losing control too much lately.

"How you feelin', angel?" Donna asked softly, walking towards him.

He glanced at her warily before his eyes returned to the needle in his left arm. He frowned when he saw the steady stream of thick crimson running from underneath the tape down his arm. He inhaled sharply to rid himself of the chill that wanted to race down his spine before he shook his head. Humans didn't want the truth. They never did.

"I'm fine," he finally answered, his eyes falling to his bleeding, aching arm again.

Lies were so much easier to stomach than the truth. He learned that truth from Sam and Dean.

When a hand gently rested against his shoulder, he glanced up, feeling smaller when Gabriel glanced down at him. He felt like a petulant child in trouble. And he couldn't think of a single reason why really. He just didn't like the look on his older brother's face. It reminded him too much of before.

"I'm sorry."

"For?" Cas replied, noticing the bright emerald eyes dart over to Sam when the angel's voice cracked unexpectedly. No doubt, Dean was going to realize how weak he was now and decide they could no longer continue their relationship. It would hurt unfortunately, but he would do as his human wished and try to return to their previous friendship. If Dean even wanted that anymore.

"For snapping you unconscious," answered his older brother, pulling the younger from his dangerous, spiraling thoughts. "However, we needed you to rest to get that IV in you, kiddo. Your temperature was climbing way too high."

Jody huffed in obvious disagreement.

"kay." Cas's voice sounded small, pathetic even. Dean had called him once a baby in a trench coat whenever his powers failed. But wasn't that what he was now? After all, his very human boyfriend had successfully managed to overpower him. He couldn't be an angel then. Angels were warriors of God, weapons of mass destruction, lethal, neutral, obedient. All things he was not now.

Gabriel gently pushed his chin up, forcing him to meet his gaze.

Cas's eyes quickly looked away, afraid that his older brother would see his thoughts. He had disappointed his brother so much already. He couldn't bear to see that look on Gabriel's face again. It never failed, though. No matter what he did, he always managed to screw things up spectacularly.

His older brother sighed heavily, though, before he glanced at the others. A second later, he motioned the younger to scoot over a bit. Once Cas had moved, albeit reluctantly of course, the archangel sat on the edge of the cot and sighed again.

"We weren't listening, were we?"

"What?" Cas blinked, cocking his head to the side.

"It's what the ladies were trying to tell us. We weren't listening to you."

"It's fine." It always was. Everything was always fine. Even when it wasn't. It was fine.

"Cas—"

"It's fine," he repeated, forcing his voice to sound less pathetic than before. "It's fine." When Gabriel's amber eyes narrowed on him, he shrunk back and glanced down. "Promise."

"Oh, kiddo. If only I could believe you," murmured the sandy-haired archangel, his lips pursing before he sighed quietly.

"You can, though," Cas argued, grabbing his brother's arm. "It's fine. Everything's—it's fine."

"No."

The Seraph felt his insides knot almost instantly. Why didn't he believe him? He had thought he had gotten better at deception. He knew he was no Dean or Sam of course, but he had to be at least better than Jack was. His mind raced, trying to figure out what he could say that would make his brother believe him. But every scenario ended the same unfortunately.

"Cas, you don't have to say that if it's not true," Dean quietly stated a moment later, finally speaking up. He gave him a faint smile when the electric blues darted to him in shock. "It's okay if you're not. If you're scared or whatever. All right?" He took a step closer. "Because I'll be honest, man." He pressed his fingers into his chest. "Me—I'm not fine. I'm not even close to fine right now."

"Why?" The question was asked with such innocence and curiosity.

"Because you're not."

"Oh." It was nice to hear even if Dean didn't truly mean it. Though, on second thought, maybe Dean did? After all, the Hunter rarely was this honest, this open, about feelings. In fact, often, the Hunter would run from them as if they were more dangerous than all monsters he had ever faced over the years. Did Dean's sudden honesty have to do with this Rogers fellow again? His Grace recoiled at once, causing the Seraph to flinch. It truly did not like when he brought up the children's host at all.

"Cas?"

He breathed through his pain, though. It would pass. It had so far at least. He just had to wait for the pain to lessen again.

"Cas, man, talk to me. Please."

Gradually, the pain dulled back to its familiar ache again, his Grace resettling once more. He knew what he had to do then. It was so obvious, so simple of an explanation. It explained his Grace's visceral reaction perfectly. Yes, he was sure of it now. He could fix this. Or at the very least make sure he didn't end up in more pain than before again.

Clearing his throat quietly, the Seraph raised his head up. He could play along with her games. "I'm certain whatever illness this is" _his long-awaited Fall_ , he thought bitterly "will pass soon enough, and I'll be back to my normal self once again." His voice sounded stiff, fake, which he supposed it was.

Those bright greens, so full of life and love, that Cas loved so much glanced towards Gabriel.

"Um, boys, ladies," started the archangel cautiously, "could you give us a minute please?"

"Gabe—"

"Just a minute." The archangel's voice dipped low, almost pleadingly as he spoke. " _Please_."

Cas frowned, tilting his head slightly. Why was his brother playing nice like this? He could have easily snapped his fingers and stopped time or . . . something. Something the Seraph couldn't recall right then, but he knew his brother had other options than this. More in character options. Something wasn't right here. His eyes fell back to the tube injecting the milky liquid inside his vessel. He had almost forgotten about that somehow.

It was becoming more difficult to think again. He was forgetting words, memories, things. He supposed it was probably important to tell them in case it was essential, in case he was wrong and this wasn't another illusion, but he didn't feel like bringing up that can of earthworms. Not yet at least. Maybe later. After all, it was just every now and then he was forgetting things. It couldn't be _that_ important. Not yet at least.

"That means you too, Dean," pointed out his older brother when the Hunter remained behind.

"Yeah, no. Whatever you have to say to him, you can say in front of me. Right, Cas?"

The Seraph glanced at his Hunter but said nothing, as his eyes trailed back to the IV. He didn't like it. It felt—something but that. Possibly a familiar feeling, one that upset him greatly. And the liquid seemed . . . strange, foreign to him. They had claimed it was to bring down his fever, but he could feel his vessel's temperature start to rise again. Was it a trick? If it was, he couldn't fall for it.

"You don't like that, do you?" Dean motioned towards his arm where the IV was.

"No," he admitted quietly, testing the waters more.

"Yeah, I feel you." Dean smiled gently at him. "I hate when I have needles inside me and all the crap that comes with it. But it's important sometimes, Cas, because it's to help you get stronger."

Blue eyes shot up instantly. "It won't help restore my Grace, though."

The Hunter glanced at Gabriel who was strangely silent for some reason. "We were hoping it might help kickstart your own Grace actually, so you can fight this crap."

What?

"It's your brother's Grace, Cas," Dean further explained. "It's mixed with the medicine in that bag. He's giving you some of it because—I don't know—Archangel-Seraph whatever stuff. It's beyond my understanding." His human sighed heavily, running a hand through his light brown hair. "We're grasping at straws, I'll admit, but neither Dumbass over there nor me want to lose you. All right? So, while I know you don't like it, we need you to keep it in just a bit longer. Can you do that for us?"

Gabriel's Grace? His brows furrowed as his mind led him to the obvious conclusion, the only one that could make sense of this. "But it won't work, though." It was a good idea, but . . .

"You don't—"

"Dean, it won't work," Cas repeated firmly, his frown deepening. He then glanced at his brother and shook his head. If only it was true . . . if only . . . "And Gabriel knows it. Nothing will work." Nothing could work.

"Cassie, it's not that," his brother countered. "It's not you Falling."

"I've already Fallen, brother." He fell long ago, he knew. "This is just the end, and it's fine."

"Fine?" croaked Dean, staring at him horrified. "Cas, that ain't fine. That's the farthest from fucking fine you can be." His mouth opened and closed then as he struggled with words. Bright green eyes looked over at the silent archangel before he scoffed. "Cas, man, you—I love you. You get that, right? That I love you? That I can't . . ." His voice quivered as he stared at him through watery eyes that he quickly and angrily swiped away. "Fuck, how the hell can you be so damn calm about this? You should be fighting, man, raging, not quitting on us!"

"But it's not real," the Seraph remarked quietly, having grown long past tired of this trick. It actually hurt now inside, and he just wanted it to end. He had wished it was true, but he knew it couldn't be. All the evidence pointed that it wasn't. It was too out of character for both of them. "None of this is."

"What?" Amber and emerald eyes both widened.

"It's not real," repeated the Seraph coolly. He then inhaled slowly and sighed. If he was right, he was going to pay for this dearly. But he couldn't be wrong. Not when both Dean and Gabriel were acting this way. His brother certainly had his rare moments for seriousness, but Gabe never would have sacrificed his Grace for him. Not after the whole Asmodeus debacle. And Dean? He wouldn't have been this honest, this open, about how he felt. He had been making strides of course, but a tiger's stripes never truly wore off this quick. Heaven had nearly had him again this time. But he had figured out Naomi's tricks again and knew the truth. This time he'd fight harder than before. This time he would give in and hurt Dean. Not like he had last time.

"What the hell do you mean, 'It's not real?" Dean snapped. "Of course this is real!" He then glanced at the archangel. "What the fuck is going on here? What's happening to him?"

"I'm not sure," admitted the sandy-haired archangel, whisky eyes returning to Cas. "What do you think is happening here exactly, kiddo? You think we're Djinn-hallucinations?"

"Possibly." Cas ignored Dean's outraged look. It was easier knowing that it couldn't be his boyfriend. "Or more likely I never escaped, and I've been in Heaven ever since Purgatory. Or it could be Chuck finally decided to take me out of the equation. It could be anything really." His life, after all, had turned into a never-ending cycle of loss and pain lately. How strange that it had flipped so much.

"Why do you think we're not real?" his brother asked neutrally, waving off Dean's ire.

"Isn't it obvious?" Cas huffed a laugh, motioning to his arm. "You never would have given me your Grace. Not after having yours drained by Asmodeus for years. Then there's the fact you died in the Apocalypse World." He glanced at Dean. "And y-you never would have said how you loved me in front of Gabriel, in front of anyone really. You would have worn your mask until the day you—"

"And what about me, Brother?" a voice suddenly called out from the doorway.

Just like that, the wind was knocked out of Castiel's lungs. His head whipped to the voice. _Balthazar_. All of his ghosts had come home for the finale. Of all the ways he had died over the years, this would be the most painful one yet. He was sure of it. He forced his eyes to meet the steely grays watching him silently with an air of aloofness. Not Naomi. She never liked Balthazar, alive or dead. So, this was obviously his father's influence then. His father he had been so loyal to, loved so much, only to learn the unfortunate truth—that his father was a dick, the biggest one there ever was.

"I killed you." It still hurt to admit that, and it had been years. "You're a manifestation—all of you in fact—of my failures." And, damn, had there been so many of those over the years unfortunately.

"Failures?" The blond chuckled quietly. "My, aren't you delusional?" He walked down the steps towards to them. "Tell me, Castiel. What makes you so damn important to make Naomi give you even a second of her attention?" He then shrugged half a moment later. "Or, for that matter, why would dear ol' Dad even think about you? He never cared about any of the rest of us, now did he?"

"Balthazar, that's enough," their older brother quietly remarked, standing up with a deep frown.

"Perhaps," the blond agreed. "But, frankly, you two idiots aren't making a dent so, naturally, it falls on yours truly once again. Just like last time." He smirked bitterly. "Tell me, Dean. How'd that work out again?" He chuckled when Dean's eyes fell to the ground guiltily. "Oh, that's right. I died. Killed by my own brother." His eyes darted to the somber blues. "I mean, I don't fault you, Castiel. You were doing what you thought you needed to in order to protect these apes. But, surely, you've—"

"Balthazar," warned the archangel, his voice lowering dangerously. "Enough."

The lower-classed angel inclined his head instantly. "As you wish." His eyes then returned to Cas. "Met your son earlier."

"Jack?" Cas's eyes widened. Oh. Oh no. He was going to fail the boy again.

"Yes." Balthazar forced a thin smile. "He admitted being the reason both Gabriel and I are back from our long slumber in the Empty. That he wanted to cheer you up." The blond shrugged, tapping his index finger against his cheek. "But, you see, I couldn't understand what it was exactly you had to feel sorry for yourself over. You have your human finally. Two children who adore you. Dad keeps bringing you back for some reason. And you have us, your brothers. So, here I am, walking in thinking there would be no way he was correct, that you'd be sulking. Yet, here you are."

"I'm not sulking!"

"No? Clearly looks like you are, Brother. Sulking like the spoiled brat you have always been."

"Balthazar!" snapped their older brother, grabbing the blonde's arm. "That's enough!"

"I am not sulking!" Castiel repeated firmly, glaring at the British-sounding angel.

"If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck—"

The Seraph clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth angrily.

"Then, obviously," Balthazar drawled coldly "it's a damn duck." He yanked his arm back from Gabriel with a huff. "Quack! Quack, Castiel!"

Forgetting about the IV in his arm and all rationality, the messy-haired angel leapt towards the blond, yanking the metallic pole with him. He was going to murder the damn blond all over again! The two angels slammed hard onto the floor, slamming their fists into one another's bodies, before they were suddenly snapped far apart from one another.

"Are you kidding me right now!" Gabriel snarled, pointing his finger at both of his petulant little brothers. "You two are fucking angels, damn it! And, quite frankly, both of you are too damn old for this childish behavior for Dad's sake!" He then huffed loudly and shook his head.

"He started it!"

"I did not! You did, assbutt!"

"Oh, go screw your hairless—" Balthazar shot back.

"His name is Dean!"

" _Dean. Dean. Dean_ ," mocked the blond. "Why don't you marry him already, Castiel?"

Snapping his fingers again with a heavy sigh, Gabriel glanced upwards as he shook his head. Immediate silence settled around them, almost in a startling manner with how quickly it appeared.

"Ah. Yes. That's better," drawled the archangel happily. "I can think again without hearing the incessant whining of my two idiot little brothers." He glanced towards the green-eyed Hunter who still was staring with his mouth hung open. "Do you see now why I didn't want them anywhere near each other? It's like freakin' Eden all over again."

The eldest Winchester nodded slowly, still not saying anything.

"You all right there, Dean-o?"

"Yeah." The Hunter blinked, seemingly coming back to himself. He then redirected his attention to his angel, striding back to the cot Cas was sitting on again. "Let's fix up that arm. Okay?"

"All right. Well, while you handle him, I'm going to take this one back to his room," Gabriel declared, motioning Balthazar to head towards the door. "I'll be back in a minute." As the younger of two walked past, the blond flipped off the Seraph, earning himself a hard smack to the back of his head.

As soon as Gabriel and Balthazar were out of the room, Dean gently held his hand out.

"Let me see your arm," he instructed softly, holding a washcloth in his other hand. When the angel kept his arm firmly tucked against his side, the Hunter sighed. "Cas, come on. It's me. All right? You know me. I wouldn't hurt you." He then winced, scratching the back of his neck as he thought better on it. "All right. That's a lie. I have hurt you before. Numerous times if we're honest. But—" Dean scoffed, shaking his head. "Whatever. You know this crap already. Just let me see your arm so I can clean it back up and reinsert the IV. I know you don't like it, but we have to keep your fever down."

Cas huffed and glanced away, looking at the far wall.

"Dude, come on. Stop being a dick."

Blue eyes glanced at him with a raised brow.

"Hey, I'm just calling it as I'm seeing it, buddy. You're acting like a dick. Certifiably."

Cas huffed again and rolled his eyes, still unable to communicate effectively thanks to his big brother. He failed to see how he was the bad guy in this situation. Balthazar was the one who came at him and started it. He just finished it. Or would have finished it if it hadn't been for Gabe.

A hand then gently rested atop of Cas's, making the Seraph glance at the man. Dean gave him a coy smile in return.

"There are those baby blues of yours," his human murmured quietly. "Gotta say, man. I did not see that coming. Not in a hundred years. This sickness is really messing with you, isn't it?" When Cas looked back with obvious puzzlement, Dean chuckled. "Dude, you went from being downright bitchy with me to almost—I don't even know what—with Gabriel and then absolutely bratty with Balthazar. If you were a woman, I'd say your hormones are out of serious whack right now."

What did—

"Never mind," the man sighed. "What I'm trying to say is, you're being very emotional right now. Which is how I know you feel like shit. Because you usually are more in control than this." He patted his hand silently before he pulled back. "Which, I'll admit, is sort of freaking me out more, but Gabe keeps telling me we're going to figure this out. That he'll move mountains and shit for you."

Cas raised a brow. He still didn't understand how his brother was going to do that exactly.

"Yeah, I know. But your brother loves you. And—don't tell the asshole I said this—it reminds me how I am whenever Sammy's sick or hurt."

Cas snorted. Gabriel likely had heard it regardless, considering his hearing was even better.

"You said this wasn't going to work earlier. But I need it to, Cas. I need it to work so we can keep making up for all the time I wasted by having my head up my ass. Understand? I need you to be okay." He then held up a hand. "And don't go thinking it's because I need you to heal me or beat the shit out of monsters or any of that nonsense. Because it's not. Not even close. I need you to be okay because I can't—" His voice cracked, and his eyes darted away briefly. "I need you, man."

Glancing down for a moment himself, the Seraph sighed inwardly. Now that his head was a bit clearer, he could see the truth he was afraid to believe earlier. This wasn't Naomi or his father's influences. This was real. _They_ were real. Leaning forward, he gently reached up and turned Dean's head back to him. He flashed a shy smile at the spiky-haired man, moving his hand down to the man's bicep where he had gripped him tight and raised him long ago.

"Dude," Dean chuckled lightly, wiping at his eyes. "What'd I say about chick moments?"

Cas rolled his eyes and let his hand drop back down. How could he ever think this wasn't real?

"That you clearly need more of them in your life, Dean-o," dryly remarked the sandy-haired archangel as he strode back into the infirmary. He then snapped his fingers. "There. Now, play nice, Cassie. Or I'll take your voice away again."

Cas huffed, glancing towards the far wall instead. He had nothing nice to say currently.

"How's Balthazar?" asked the Hunter a moment later, glancing at the sandy-haired archangel.

"Pissed at me, but what else is new." Gabriel then visually examined the messy-haired Seraph. "And how are you, Cassie? Still bratty as ever? Or have we now moved onto cooperative possibly?"

The brilliant blues instantly went to his brother. He sighed before he forced a thin smile to his lips. He'd play the silly game then for now. "I appreciate you providing me with your Grace," he stated quietly "but it is not helping." And would never help if they were being honest as it was a forgone conclusion at this point. "So, I would very much like it if we could stop—"

"Yeah, not happening, kiddo," his older brother cut in dryly.

Cas's hands slammed down instantly in yet another rare and uncontrolled outburst. His eyes turned stormy blue as he glared at the older angel. "But I don't want it!" Why couldn't he get it through Gabe's stupid head? He didn't want the damn IV anymore! He didn't want any of it! It was messing with him, causing him to question things that he hadn't before. Recalling terrible things from his past.

"Of course you don't want my Grace, brat," his brother huffed, "but you're taking it anyway. End of discussion."

"No!"

"Yes!" his brother snapped back, pointing a finger at him. "Even if I have to strap you in a chair and—" His words died on his lips when Castiel directed an almost savage look on him. If looks could kill, the archangel would have been obliterated. The Seraph looked wild, full of rage and hatred as he glared back with his teeth bared. "All right. That's it!" The archangel threw his hands up. "Out with it! Or else I'll force it out of you!" he threatened. "Just what the fuck am I missing, Castiel?" He crossed his arms and raised a brow. When the silence stretched on, he glared harder. "I'm waiting, little brother."

"I don't want the IV." Why couldn't Gabriel understand that? "I don't need it!" So what if his vessel was a little bit hotter than usual? "I'm fine!" Or he would be if everyone backed the fuck off him.

"Okay, well, that's some prime bullshit if I've ever heard it," retorted the sandy-haired man. "You are not fine! Hell, you are nowhere near it judging by the outbursts you're displaying every two seconds. So, come on then. Use your words. What traumatic thing happened to you that made you hate IVs so badly? That's causing my usually calm and stick-up-his-ass little brother to panic like this?"

He couldn't tell them. Dean likely could guess it if he had paid enough attention. Maybe. But he knew his Hunter was distracted currently. No. It was better to stay quiet. Otherwise, he knew what would happen. And he was so tired of—

"I'm waiting, Castiel," growled Gabriel, grabbing a hold of the younger's face and wrenching him up to look into the furious amber eyes. "Answer me now, brat."

Cas's jaw tightened more, desperately holding back the truth by a thread.

"Now, _Cassiel_! Do not make me force you, Brother!"

Still, the young angel kept quiet. His insides twisted painfully at his brother's use of his true Enochian name. He was upsetting Gabriel, driving him to the breaking point. Like he always did. He hated whenever his brother was angry with him. But his silence was better for all of them. It was. It had to be. If he revealed the truth, it'd just lead to more anger, more loss, more pain.

When the archangel's grip tightened, the Seraph closed his eyes at the onslaught of tears that welled up in response. He used to be stronger than this. Now, he could barely hold back his sniffles.

" _Cassiel!"_ snarled Gabriel in his True Voice. The bunker shook violently in response. Several vials shattered at the raw power displayed, sending jagged pieces flying around the room. A protective snap from the archangel, though, kept the glass from reaching the lone human in the infirmary.

" _Madariatza!"_ The Seraph's native tongue slipped out.

"Heaven?" The archangel released the younger suddenly as if burned. "What do you mean, 'Heaven?" His whiskey eyes then darted to the green-eyed Hunter who was groaning as he picked himself back off the floor and brushed off the glass. "What does he mean by 'Heaven?"

"I don't know." Dean shrugged. "It could be Naomi or Metatron. Any one of those dicks. Hell, it could be Chuck for all I know." The green eyes darted to the floor guiltily before he turned to Cas. "It's not like he talked a lot about his time up there or, fuck, that I even thought to ask."

"Wait. Metatron? The Scribe?" Gabriel blinked before he glanced at Cas. "What did he do?"

Cas's eyes widened. His head snapped towards Dean. No . . . He reached towards his human, wishing Dean wouldn't answer but knowing the human would.

"He tricked him," Dean answered. "Told him that if he did certain tasks, Cas could lock all the angels up in Heaven and fix it. Only the tasks were for a spell that ended up causing all the angels to fall instead. The final ingredient was Cas's Grace, which Metatron stole."

The messy-haired angel's head fell forward. No . . .

"Oh, little brother," his brother murmured. "I'm so sorry." His hands curled into fists before he knelt in front of the withdrawn blue-eyed angel. "I failed you, kiddo. Even worse than I originally thought, but I'm going to make up for this somehow."

Cas tilted his head slightly and frowned. What? He wasn't mad at his failures? Disappointed?

"Starting with this, okay?" His brother motioned to the bag of fluid they had been injecting into him. "We'll come up with another way."

"What?" Dean glanced from Cas to the shorter man. "Gabe—"

"Yeah, I know, Winchester," interrupted the archangel, meeting his look. "But we can't use it. Not when it sets him off like that and reminds him of the hell he's gone through. We'd be no better than those assholes. So, we'll find another way. Got it?"

"Yeah." The Hunter sighed quietly. He grabbed the Seraph's other hand, holding it for a moment as he thought. "Cas, do you think you—if we added it to water or something—could you drink it then?" His tongue darted out between his lip briefly. "Because we have to keep your temp down somehow."

He assumed as much, but IVs couldn't be the go-to in all cases. There had to be something else they could try. Something that didn't hurt so much, didn't remind him of Naomi's lab or Metatron.

"Humans take pills sometimes to regulate their temperature, don't they?" the young angel inquired quietly. "Why will that not work for me?" Blue eyes darted between the two curiously.

"Because your fevers are too damn high, Cas." Dean ran a hand through his lighter hair silently before he shook his head. "They were hovering around 107/108, which for a human would have meant brain damage." He rubbed his thumb gently against Cas's hand. "And . . ." he paused for a brief moment before he continued "Gabe's been finding some damage already starting unfortunately. At this point, he can, thankfully, heal it. But we're both—" His voice cut out before he shook his head and started again. "Cas, we don't want it to reach the point where you start rejecting his Grace too."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Cas considered this for a moment. He could see the worry on both of their faces. They were both serious, the lightness they usually held long gone. He glanced down and licked his lips, tasting the salt once more. They were being honest with him, not hiding, not lying.

"Is that why I'm having moments where I forget things?" His voice was low, the shame heavy in his words. They always would get so upset with him whenever he hid things.

"What?"

"The damage you're finding—is that why I'm having times when I cannot recall things?"

"Probably, kiddo," Gabriel replied gently with a shrug. "I don't know for sure. But is it happening a lot, though? Or just once in a while?"

"Once in a while."

His older brother nodded slowly. "All right. Well, when that happens, just say something. Okay? Don't keep it to yourself. We need to be honest. All of us." He then forced a laugh. "I mean, let's face it. With the lives we live, you'd think we'd have figured out by now that secrets only make things worse."

"Then you've told Sam about your b—"

The archangel instantly cut him off, wagging a finger. "No, no, no, little brother. We're not discussing that right now. My relationship with Sam is, you know, mine. And definitely not something that needs to be discussed with Dean right here in the room."

"But, Gabriel, didn't you just say—" mocked the green-eyed Hunter.

"Dean-o, don't make me snap you to TV Land again."

The Hunter considered this for a second. "Wait. Would it be Dr. Sexy again?"

"Hell no. You'd be headed to some telenovela for certain."

"Okay. Not bad," Dean replied with a shrug. "I could work with that."

"With sparking vampires who sing."

"Oh, hell no!"

Cas laughed feebly, enjoying their banter. He was glad to see them getting along for once. Even if it was just because they were too emotionally exhausted from worrying over him again like always.

"What are you laughing about over there?"

"Merely imagining you singing with sparkling vampires, Dean."

"Oh, are you?" His human scoffed. "And just what song am I singing?"

"That incessantly annoying one you sing in the shower sometimes."

Emerald eyes instantly fell to the floor, as the Hunter's face reddened. " _You Give Love a Bad Name?_ ' Wow, man. And here I thought you liked it."

"No. The other one." He waved his hand. "Where you sing the number of shots you've taken."

"Oh!" Dean chuckled. "Yeah. That's a good one."

"Mas Tequila!" Gabriel yelled out suddenly before they all laughed. "You know, that actually gives me an idea. I could—"

"Yeah, how about you don't?" the Hunter cut in, quickly realizing what the archangel's next words were going to be. "In fact, how about you just go? I got Cas. We're good, aren't we, Sunshine?"

"Yes, Dean," the Seraph answered reflexively, closing his eyes shortly after and holding back a deep groan as pain inside roared to life again.

"Trying to get rid of me, are you, Winchester?"

"Yeah, but you're like mold, Gabe. You always grow back."

The archangel rolled his eyes before he looked his brother over yet again.

"Cassie?" his brother murmured a few moments later.

"Yes?" The Seraph kept his blue eyes on the end of the cot, avoiding the sharp amber ones. As long as he didn't look at Gabriel, he was safe. He could keep his brother from finding out—

"Son of a bitch," mumbled the archangel.

Fuck! His brother had seen the—

"Hey! That's my line! Get your own, asshole!" Dean huffed before he turned to give Cas a smile. A second later, his amusement vanished, though, as he saw the same thing Gabriel had. "Cas?"

"It's fine, Dean," he stated, his voice trembling. It wasn't fine. It was the opposite of fine. And he knew it. But he needed it to be fine. So, he was going to repeat that stupid phrase until it was. He hadn't annoyed a cosmic being older than himself and crawled his way out of the Empty, just to go back to a lifetime of nothingness again. That wasn't how this story went. It wasn't. It couldn't be.

"All right, kiddo." No trace of humor was in his brother's voice, though. "Time for your Grace-infused drink." His brother then grabbed a knife from the tray beside them and silently sliced his palm. The wispy white Grace floated slowly out of Gabriel's palm and into the glass of water he had snapped into existence a second earlier. With a light touch to his wound, he quickly healed his palm before he held out the glass. "It's got a bit of honey in it this time."

The Seraph reached for it, only to let his arm drop pathetically back down to his side. He was shaking too horribly to hold it properly. The cold was getting worse, seeping into the deepest parts of his vessel. His Grace had dipped suddenly and dramatically for some reason. He watched Dean grab the glass soon after, calmly holding it near his lips. A straw then snapped into the glass to make it easier.

"It's okay, man. We got this. Just—we'll take it slow. All right?" He could hear the fear.

Cas took his first sip, though. All he could taste was the honey this time, the sweetness of it. The molecules had long since disappeared on him. Another symptom revealed. Another failure. He closed his eyes and felt the Grace rush through his vessel. The honey taste dulled slightly. He took another sip, more Grace and slight honey. It was becoming—something. He took a bigger sip for his third, the Grace rushing through him and repairing the damage the illness was causing. After a few more moments and a few more sips, he could no longer taste the honey at all, only the tasteless, boring molecules. He pushed away the drink then, his eyes finding his brother's.

"Keep drinking, kiddo. All of it." Gabriel then gave him a pained look. "Or we're going to have to do it the other way, and I know you don't want that." He held up a hand to stave off the argument. "Kiddo, whatever this is—it's getting worse. So, you keep fighting. You keep drinking, and you keep fighting. Dean and I and the others, we'll take care of the rest. We'll figure this out."

What was to figure out exactly? His Grace was burning out for some reason. And the action of this was causing a systematic failure of his vessel. Speaking of which—

He briefly took inventory on his vessel's state. His Grace was still dangerously low, but it was absorbing Gabriel's much stronger essence than his own still. His temperature was in the low 104 range now, having come down from 106. And he had a new symptom, blood loss. A minor one brought on by a nosebleed, it seemed, which Dean silently washed away as he waited for Castiel to continue drinking. His eyes narrowed as he considered all of this. Maybe they were going about this the wrong way.

"Gabriel?"

"Yeah, Cassie?"

"I . . ." He sighed quietly before he glanced at Dean, who was watching him curiously. "Could you leave us?"

"What?"

"Just for a moment."

"Cas—"

"Please?" the younger brother pleaded, finally looking up and meeting the amber eyes.

Gabriel huffed. "Fine. You've got five minutes. But that drink better be gone when I come back. Got it?" He glanced at Dean. "Or else your boy toy here is headed to the sparky vampires."

"Just get out of here already," grumbled the green-eyed man.

The archangel quickly left the infirmary soon after with a snap, leaving them alone again.

"Dean," quietly murmured the messy-haired, blue-eyed angel.

"Right here, Sunshine," the Hunter replied, grabbing ahold of Cas's hand with his free one.

"I need you to be honest. And listen. Mostly listen." He pushed forward when the man said nothing. "Because I know you're going to hear me and react, but you have to listen to me."

"All right. I'm listening, Cas. What is it?"

"My Grace is the problem."

"Yeah, and we're going to figure out what this is and fix it."

"What if we didn't, though?" he asked quietly, forcing himself to remain steady when Dean tensed. His human was reacting instead of listening. "What if we didn't fix it?"

"Cas—"

"I was human once before. Graceless after Metatron stole it." He sighed inwardly. "I don't have enough to function as an angel. We can keep doing this, or we can choose to stop."

"What are you saying?"

"I realize I'll be weakened, worthless in a fight if need be, and unable to help heal you and the others, but—"

"Oh, Christ!" Dean growled, pulling back angrily while huffing. "This again?" Yep. He was definitely reacting instead of listening now. "Cas, how many goddamn times do I have to say it? I mean, seriously!" He shook his head irritably, setting the glass back down on the tray. "You aren't some tool to me, some weapon. You mean more to me than that. So much more, you idiot!" He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up in spots like the angel's. "Like, I thought we were finally past this shit, but I guess not. So, here we go again." He leaned forward and gently grabbed ahold of Cas's face. "I love you, you big dork! Angel or human or whatever, it doesn't matter to me as long as you are you. All right? Or do I need to beat it into your thick skull, my feathery pain in the ass boyfriend?"

Cas barely hid back his faint smile that had made its way to his face during Dean's rant. He found that he enjoyed hearing these things from his human. The warmth that it produced burned hotter than Grace. He glanced down, his eyes finding the cot interesting for a brief moment, as Dean released him once more. He missed the touch instantly.

"If I chose humanity and had my Grace removed—"

"Whoa! What? Cas, I don't think we're quite there yet."

He sighed at the man's words. "Of course," he quietly murmured.

He should have known better. Dean wouldn't want him human.

"Wait. You're actually considering this, though, aren't you?" Dean gently lifted Cas's head up with a finger under the angel's chin. "Becoming a human again?"

"I've been considering it for a while now actually," he admitted quietly.

"You have?" Dean's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

He forced a gentle laugh. He had thought that was obvious. "I struggle as an angel." He always had unfortunately. "My emotions get the better of me nowadays. I find myself at war with myself. I used to be able to suppress it better, but now" he shrugged "I can't. In fact, I don't want to sometimes. I want to feel happiness. To taste a good cheeseburger." He then motioned towards the water. "To taste that properly. But all of it, it's just molecules now. I've recently found myself missing humanity more and more sometimes."

"Oh."

He nodded slowly. He may as well go all in then. "And then there's the sexual aspect of this."

Dean instantly coughed violently. "I'm sorry? What?"

"If we were to engage in sexual activity, I would not enjoy it nearly as much as I would as a human. Humans feel things more, connect better. Your souls have a habit of—"

"Uh . . . okay then. I'm going to stop you right there." Dean cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing towards the door with a slightly reddened face. His freckles showed more.

"Unless you don't want—" He had thought for sure that was where this sort of relationship was headed. At least in the shows it always did. Though, typically, it happened a lot quicker than eleven years of unresolved sexual tension. But he'd blame his dick of a father for that.

"No." Dean turned back sharply. "I wasn't saying that. I just . . . it's new to me, all right?"

Cas raised a brow, though. "You've had sex before. Numerous times in fact. You used to parade them around me like—"

"What the hell?" Dean scoffed. "Uh, no I didn't. I didn't 'parade' anyone around you."

"Shall I recite their names, Dean?" he stated dryly. He would likely miss a few.

"Uh . . . dude, that's a little . . ." He shook his head. "No. You don't need to do that. Just . . . I didn't intentionally do that, okay? You and I were just best friends then. That's it."

"Yes, of course, just as are Gabriel and Sam are 'just friends," he drawled back, nodding slowly as more of his strength returned slowly. Friends who shared a bond that was slowly being nurtured and grown over the years. "However, that is a discussion for another day obviously." He caught Dean's eyeroll as the human shook his head. "The last time I was without my Grace—"

"I acted like a bastard to you, I know." His human sighed quietly. "But if this is what you want, then I'll help you navigate humanity. Burritos and honey and booze and a whole hell of a lot of things, Cas. But only if it's what you want, and that you'll be okay with this."

Would he be okay with this? "I won't hear your prayers anymore." That was a negative.

"You sometimes don't hear them now," Dean pointed out.

"Yes. Sometimes," he agreed with another nod. So, not really a big negative, he supposed.

"So, I'll just get better at communicating somehow with you. And I won't put myself in stupid situations where I need you to save me."

Cas chuckled at that. "Yes, you always were the damsel of this relationship, weren't you?"

"What?" Dean hit his arm. "Oh, fuck you, Cas! I saved your ass more times than I can count, and you know it. Maybe you were the damsel of this relationship, yeah?" He then shook his head, chuckling as the comfortable, easy silence fell around them. "So . . ." their eyes met "how do we do this exactly?"

"Make an incision like Gabriel did earlier," he coolly instructed, "and force my Grace to the surface to be expelled."

"So, I can collect it, right?"

"We could, yes."

Dean sighed quietly and shook his head. "But you don't want it collected, do you?"

"It's faulty, damaged. I frankly don't believe I need the reminder of my brokenness."

"Yeah, but what you see broken, I see—I don't know—hardened maybe? You've gone through a lot, so has your Grace. If we let it go, though, you can never get it back, man."

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

"That's a part of you that you'll lose forever. I mean, if the roles were reversed and I had to choose between my damaged soul sitting on a shelf or no soul, I'd take the damaged soul on a shelf." Dean then patted his arm. "But it's your Grace, man. Not mine. I'm just the stupid sentimental human who worries that sometime down the road we'll figure out what this is, and you'll want it back."

"You think I will?"

"It's a part of you. It has been ever since you were created. You'd be losing a part of yourself in the process of it. At least with it in a vial somewhere, you have the option, you know?"

"Yes." That was logical after all. Who was he to argue against logic?

"Okay, so other than that, anything else I should be aware of here?"

"I don't believe so. It will be overwhelming to me at first, I think. I'll have to relearn—"

"How to eat cheeseburgers again?" Dean quipped.

"Yes, and brush my teeth and floss and shower and all of that other human nonsense."

Dean snickered. "Yes, but think of it like this, dude. You also get to learn new stuff."

"Like?"

He shrugged, a shit-eating grin taking over his gorgeous face. "I don't know. You were the one earlier who brought up sex, not me."

"I see." He nodded slowly before he shrugged nonchalantly, deciding to play along again. "And you would be agreeable to teaching me in that regard?" He could show Dean more of what the pizza man had taught him—and the pool boy.

"Agreeable?" Dean ran his tongue across his teeth and chuckled. "It's been eleven years, Cas. Eleven years of us dancing about the damn issue like teenagers. Eleven years of—fuck if Sammy heard this—eye fucking between us and flirting and all that shit. Yeah, man, I'm agreeable. Just, you know, I've got experience with the other team."

Oh. Cas sat up straighter. He could finally tell him. "I know. That's why I've been researching."

"What?" Green eyes widened as Dean let out a choking sound. "You've been— All right. That's it. Your computer privileges have been officially revoked, Angel."

"Why?"

"Because you—" The man held up a hand and shook his head before he tried again. "Sunshine, you're bordering on a porn addiction at this point."

"No more than you are, Dean, considering they were on your computer."

"Hey! I'm not the one we're talking about here. You are. So, let's, you know, drop it. All right?" More of Dean's freckles were showing. He was so beautiful.

Snickering from the doorway caused both men to glance towards it.

"Gabriel!"

"What?" the mischievous man replied with an innocent shrug as he walked towards them. "I said five minutes. It's been eight." His eyes then fell onto the glass of milky water. "I see you brats didn't listen to me." He shook his head and sighed disappointedly.

"We actually have another idea," Dean explained, gaining the sharp amber eyes on him.

"Oh, really?" drawled the big brother back. "And what brilliant idea would this be exactly?"

"Removing my Grace," Cas answered casually.

"What?" His older brother stopped in mid-step, staring at him with wide eyes.

"You heard me. If we removed my Grace—"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," mumbled the sandy-haired man, glaring upwards.

"It could—"

"Should I pull out my blade then? Get us a few cocktails? Make a party out of it?" he replied dryly, raising a brow. "Or how about I call down the rest of the family and we can all take turns, Cas?"

"Stop being an ass, Gabe."

"You're asking to remove the very Grace that gave my brother life. A bit of _my_ Grace, Dean. Therefore, I think I'm due for being a bit of an ass, thank you. Seeing as how my brother is essentially rejecting me."

"I'm not, though," the Seraph countered. "I'm merely suggesting that while we work on figuring this out, I remove my Grace. Temporarily."

"Oh, come on, Cassie! Cut the crap. Will you?" Gabe retorted. "Once you remove it, you won't ever go back. That's a fact."

"I've been Graceless before."

"Yeah, and if it wouldn't been for dickhead over there, you'd have still been Graceless and happy. Wouldn't you?"

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself, Winchester!" snapped the archangel before he glanced back at his brother. "Admit it. You are your happiest when you're human."

"I can't," Cas replied honestly. "Because the last time I was human, I had zero guidance, zero support. I was alone. I fought for scraps and had to find my own way. Get a job. Eat. Sleep. Shower and all of that. I stole to survive, in fact. It was cold, lonely, terrifying to me. But I won't be alone this time."

"Exactly. You'll have your _wonderful_ boyfriend."

"And my _amazing_ brother," the Seraph pointed out. "And Sam. And a whole group of humans who can help me through this." He then lifted his chin, raising a brow. "However, that doesn't mean when this is over and we figure it out, that I'll choose humanity ultimately, though. I am still an angel, Gabriel, regardless if I have my Grace or not. I am still your brother as well. Your annoying, bratty, little brother who loves you. Even when you're an assbutt and make assumptions."

"Even if he was talking about removing it for good," Dean chimed in, "which he isn't and you'd know that if you listened for a minute, it'd be his decision. Something we'd have to respect."

"Oh, look at you," retorted Gabriel, rolling his eyes. "The ol' dog finally learned some new tricks. Would you look at that?"

"You know, this condescending attitude of yours right now—it ain't a good look on you, man."

"Yeah, well, your oh-so-perfect boyfriend routine, Winchester, is frankly overrated," Gabe shot back, his eyes narrowing rapidly.

"Awe. You think I'm perfect?" mocked the green-eyed man, shaking his head. "Dude, I'm Dean. Remember? You like Sam, the tall one with the long hair like Rapunzel. Kind of a nerd."

"No. Not like," Gabriel snapped. "I _love_ your brother, you idiot!"

"So, why the hell are you here with us then? Go bother him."

Gabriel paused for half a moment before he shook his head with a heavy sigh. "Because I don't want you to remove his Grace."

"It's my decision—"

"I know it's your decisions, Cas!" he sharply interrupted. "I just . . ." His voice trailed off for a moment as he clearly paused to gather his words again. "I'm scared, all right?" He reluctantly glanced up. "And when I get scared, like this, I deflect. It's a stupid thing I learned from Dad. Or Lucifer. One of them. Or both of them. Whatever. Take your damn pick." He huffed, glancing upwards in annoyance.

"Why are you scared?" Cas's blue eyes were blank as his head cocked to one side.

"Because I'm going to lose you. All right? I'm going to lose you again. And I don't want that."

"Lose me?" He glanced towards Dean before his brows furrowed more. "But if I'm human, I'll no longer need your Grace."

"Exactly!" his older brother replied, throwing his hands up with another scoff. "So, you won't need me anymore. You'll have Dean."

"I don't understand."

"Cas, what can I teach you about humanity? Honestly?" He didn't wait for the reply, though. "Nothing really if we're honest, seeing as how I've been too damn afraid even to consider what you are wanting to do. So, what do you need me for?"

"Gabriel—"

"I mean, I stupidly thought I came back to—I don't know—fix this between us, to be brothers again, to prove that not all of us are winged dicks or something. But you don't need me." He shrugged. "Somehow—and I really don't know how because I was really trying here, kiddo—I fucked this up! Like usual." He then roughly ran hands down his face, groaning into them a moment later. Hiding behind his hands, he drew in a needless breath. The seconds ticked by. His shoulders shook minutely before his hands fell back to his sides. His face completely honest for once. "I knew I would have to share you with him. I'm not an idiot. You two were obvious. But, Cas, it just feels like without your Grace, we'll have nothing in common anymore. No reason to—" His eyes then snapped back, meeting the baby blues. More of his words rambled out. "I'd love to taste something other than sweets. Just once. Did you know that?" Again, he pushed forward and continued with his word vomit. "Because after so many years of it, even that doesn't taste quite the same anymore. So, I mean, yeah, I'm scared. I'm jealous. I'm a whole litany of things right now, kiddo, but mostly scared."

Cas swallowed the growing lump in his throat as he listened. How could his brother think that? Any of that? He watched the sandy-haired archangel for a moment, feeling the emotions swirl in his vessel. His life didn't revolve solely around Dean. It perhaps used to, unfortunately, but he had grown close to Sam as well. And Gabriel. And Sheriffs Mills and Hanscum. And the kids obviously. He had an actual family now. How could Gabriel think for a single second that he wasn't a part of that family?

"But if you're serious about this," Gabriel quietly remarked. "I mean, yeah, I'll stand by, but, kiddo, I only ask for one thing. That you don't—I don't deal well with being alone anymore, okay? And . . . yeah." He cleared his throat, forcing a smile. "Not sure where all that came from, but . . . more you know, yeah?" he muttered with an awkward laugh. His eyes fell back to the floor.

When Cas felt Dean move beside him, he quickly grabbed the man's upper arm, his fingers curling tightly around the tight muscle. If anyone was going to smack his brother upside the head, it would be him. He frowned when he realized that Dean still was able to kick Gabriel in the shin.

"You feathery dumbass!" Dean exclaimed, shaking his head.

Cas's fingers instantly curled painfully around his human's arm then, cutting him off from saying more and kicking the angel when he was already metaphorically down.

"While I disagree with his words," the Seraph began quietly "I do find myself agreeing with the sentiment unfortunately. How could you even think that? For even a second?" His frown grew when his brother's shoulders sagged more. Had his brother truly not recognized their bond for what it was? Well, then he'd educate him. "If there is one thing that I have learned during my time with the Winchesters these past eleven years, it is family and the importance of it. And you, my misguided big brother, are a part of this family. And you will never be alone. Not anymore. You are my brother, my oldest one. My only one who actually gives a damn about me and who, ironically enough, hasn't tried to kill me yet."

A small beginning of a smile formed on Gabriel's lips.

"Give me time, little bro," the archangel murmured lightly.

"My Grace doesn't make us brothers, Gabriel. Regardless of the fact you used a bit of yours to create me, it doesn't make us family. What makes us one is how you've sat with me during this time and cared for me. Conjured up honey-infused water to make it taste better. What makes us one is also that I don't have to question if you love me. I know you do. Just as I know you would do anything for me, Gabriel. That makes us family."

"Exactly. Family don't end with blood, dumbass," Dean drawled with a faint smile.

"I stand corrected," conceded the archangel, dipping his head forward.

"Yeah, you do."

Cas lulled his head to the side to glance at his Hunter with a raised brow.

"What?" Bright green eyes glanced from Cas to Gabe and then back to Cas. "What'd I say?"

The deep blues rolled, however. Sometimes Dean was too much. He turned his attention back on his brother.

"You will not lose me. You will have to continue sharing of course, but considering your endgame is Sam—" Cas elbowed his Hunter hard in the ribs when Dean made a mock gag sound. "I doubt it will be a problem. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you."

Gabriel nodded slowly. "All right. Fine. You win." He then smirked and added, "This round at least. We'll see about next time."

Nodding slowly, Cas glanced at Dean before he sighed inwardly. "We'll bottle my remaining Grace. However, and you may feel free to say no, but as you pointed out, you are the one who added your Grace to mine, Gabriel. And you've done it again for me. And you also—forgive me, Dean—know where my Grace is currently as you can see it and would not need to dig for it as he would."

"You want _me_ to remove your Grace?"

"Yes."

"Cas—"

He held up a hand, though. "I realize what I am asking is not easy for you. The last time my Grace was removed, it was done forcefully, against my will. And it hurt like a bitch frankly."

Gabe and Dean both chuckled quietly.

"I'm anticipating the same this time unfortunately." He glanced at his Hunter before he turned back to his brother. "With that in mind, it is obvious Dean cannot do it. I would not want him to."

"So, you ask your big brother to do it instead?" Gabriel forced his grin. " _Yay me._ "

"Brother, please," the Seraph replied quietly. "I'm not disregarding the emotional toll this will have on you. Quite the opposite. However, I thought you might . . . use this opportunity," he stated with a pointed look towards the sandy-haired man.

"Use this— _what_?" Amber eyes snapped over to the Hunter. "Dean-o, what's he talking about?"

"I don't know, man. Sometimes the things he says goes over my head."

Cas rolled his eyes again and sighed. Sometimes, it was like talking to brick walls with these two. "Instead of exposing yourself as you just did with me, you could speak openly with Sam."

"Okay . . . and then?" His brother motioned for him to continue.

"And inform him of how you don't wish to be alone."

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa there, Sunshine!" Dean huffed, his eyes widening as his mouth dropped. "Are you pimping my brother out to yours?"

"No."

"Cas!"

"I am not 'pimping' either of them out. I'm merely suggesting that if he wishes for Sam to see him as a potential—"

Dean scoffed. "Yeah, well, only flaw in that is Sammy—"

"I think you would be surprised, Dean," Cas replied dryly.

"Wait. What?" Both Dean and Gabe stared back at him with wide eyes.

"What do you know, little bro?" Gabriel demanded.

"Nothing," he answered, albeit a little too quickly.

"Oh, crap! That definitely means you know something," the Hunter stated, briefly looking towards Gabriel. "He's a horrible liar."

"Yeah, I remember, Winchester." He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Seeing as how he was lying to me a millennia before your twinkling soul even showed up." He then crossed his arms. "Out with it, brat. What do you know?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, somehow, I don't believe you."

"Yeah, me neither," Dean agreed, turning on him. "What'd Sammy say?"

"Nothing."

He really needed to get better at deception clearly. Though, he was attempting to lie to the two most important people in his life. He supposed that had a hand in it as well. Possibly.

"Cas!"

He hated when Dean used that tone. It made him want to verbally vomit out everything that he had witnessed or done in his long life starting back to creation. He glanced at the man and sighed before he reluctantly turned towards his brother.

"Merely that he enjoys your talks. That's it."

Gabriel blinked in surprise. "He does?"

"Yes."

"Oh." The whiskey-eyes darted away as the archangel considered this for a moment. He soon started to rake his teeth against his bottom lip. A full minute later, he finally asked, "Did he say why?"

His poor brother. So smitten. He remembered that phase fondly. Sort of. Most of the time, if he were honest, he was annoyed with his sarcastic, emotionally constipated Righteous Man who was so damn infuriating sometimes that he wanted to shake him repeatedly. Or kiss him. He wavered between both actions many times over the years, choosing neither thankfully.

"I'd imagine it's because you make him laugh," Cas answered honestly. "However, you'd have to ask him for certain."

"Wait. So, you're saying Sammy likes the whole . . . innuendo stuff?"

"No. What I said was that he stated he enjoyed their talks, Dean."

He could see the human's wheels turn in his mind. Some things never changed. He bit back his annoyed sigh and waited. It wouldn't be long before the sarcasm would roll off the man's tongue.

"Okay, but ninety percent of that is like innuendo, isn't it?"

"Eh, more like ninety-five really," Gabriel stated with a silent shrug. "Could be higher actually. It really depends on my mood. Or what your brother's wearing."

"Ugh! Dude! Gross!" Dean shook his head. "I am literally standing right here."

The archangel snorted. "What's wrong, Dean-o? You don't like it when someone rubs your nose in your brother's relationship with his angel?"

"You don't have a relationship with—"

"Yet!" Gabriel interrupted, wagging his finger with a wide grin. "I don't have a relationship with Sam-moose yet, Dean-o!"

"Ugh. I need brain bleach," the Hunter muttered.

The shorter man snorted before he glanced back towards Cas. "These humans of ours, am I right? The things we could teach them about sex . . ."

"Gabe!"

"What?" His grin widened as he lazily turned towards Dean. "You haven't even made it past first base with him, have you, oh great supposed sex God of Kansas?"

"That is none of your damn business," the Hunter snapped back, glaring at him.

"Touchy, aren't you?" Gabe's grin then turned predatory. "Just not touching Cas clearly."

"Sam!" Dean yelled.

Gabe snickered.

Cas sighed heavily and shook his head. It was like twelve-year-olds had suddenly invaded the two older brothers again. While it was semi-amusing, it did annoy him as well. He felt like shit, and those two were bickering like children. Did they truly forget about his illness? He didn't. He couldn't. And he could start to feel his vessel's temperature rise again, along with his aches and pains.

It was a few moments before the tall, long-haired Hunter walked into the infirmary.

"What?" Sam asked, his eyes moving from Gabriel to his older brother.

"Grab your fucking boyfriend—"

"Whoa, what?" the tall Hunter said, rearing back in surprise. "Gabe isn't my—"

"Just get him the fuck out of here before I gank him, Samantha!" Dean growled.

"Tsk, tsk, aren't you forgettin' somethin', oh-future-brother-in-law-of-mine?" the archangel drawled, his shit-eating grinning taking up his entire face now.

"You mean, where I take Cas's shiny Angel blade and shove it up your goddamn ass? That something?" Dean quipped with a maniacal look.

"Guys, that's enough," sighed Sam, shaking his head. "Honestly."

"Whatever you say, my sweet moose," the archangel replied dazedly.

Dean instantly gagged and faked vomiting in response.

Cas couldn't help it. He immediately fell back against the cot and glanced upwards at the ceiling. He was too tired for their ridiculousness. He caught Sam step into his vision and glance down at him worriedly a moment later, but the angel merely raised a brow back as if to say, 'This is going to be a while. Wake me when they stop.' Sam clearly understood his look and nodded, turning his attention back on the bickering older brothers.

"In case you two haven't noticed here," Sam stated neutrally, as if he was talking about the weather, "Cas is still sick, guys."

One could almost hear the winces from the older brothers as they instantly went silent.

"Now, I don't know what brought this latest thing on. And, frankly, I don't care either," the youngest Winchester explained with a shrug as he glanced at them. "Because the only thing I care about is getting Cas better. That said, your arguing and bickering like this—it's not helping. In fact, it's only leading to yet another distraction, and we have plenty of those already. So, I suggest you two grow the fuck up and stop. Or else" Sam pointed at the door "you can get the hell out."

Cas's head lulled to the side in surprise. He caught the hazel eyes briefly meeting his look before Sam turned back to the others. It was strange to think there used to be a time when Sam would not dare talk to his brother like this. The man had grown over the years clearly. Good for him.

"Well, would you look at my baby brother," Dean said with a proud laugh.

Gabriel for once didn't take the bait. "Got it, Sam."

The Seraph kept his eyes focused on a crack in the ceiling for a moment. He'd give their newfound truce ten minutes. And that was being generous actually. He waited for someone to say something, but the silence lingered.

His temperature had returned to 106, he realized, after taking inventory of everything that was wrong. He considered informing them of this, but he ultimately decided against it. 106 wasn't too dangerous yet by his estimate. It was just slightly uncomfortable. He could feel sweat start to pool as his vessel tried to accommodate for the extra body heat. A bitter chuckle fell from his lips as he recalled his comment once about not sweating under any circumstances. Clearly, that was not the case anymore.

"Hey, man," Dean quietly murmured, stepping forward from the side of the cot and glancing down at him with knitted brows. "You good?"

A snort bubbled up. Was he good?

Much too exhausted now to care about anything, his verbal filter fell completely.

"Am I good?" he repeated with a tired chuckle. "I'm sweating, Dean. I'm badly craving salt and cheeseburgers. And chocolate shakes if I'm honest." And those were just the first three things that came to his mind in terms of nourishment. "Then we have the chills. Oh, and the aches and pains. They're a joy, I assure you," he remarked dryly. "I want food. It doesn't matter what kind. Yet I know if I even look at it, I'll find myself heaving. Then there's the exhaustion creeping into my vessel."

Dean's eyes darted away guiltily.

"And those are just my physical symptoms currently. I haven't even begun to delve into my annoyance at you and Gabriel. But I believe Sam covered that rather well actually." His eyes traced the crack slowly, feeling the urge to sleep increase dramatically. His temperature must have been rising again unfortunately, he theorized. "The only thing I would add is that the longer we delay with removing my Grace, the more I want to shake you two." He rolled his head slightly to find his brother, taking note of the shame-filled look on the archangel. "If I thought I wouldn't kill myself accidentally, I'd have ripped it out hours ago and saved myself the trouble of witnessing your foolishness."

"I'm sorry, kiddo."

He snorted in response, rolling his eyes. "You want to make it up to me?" He met the somber amber orbs. "Then, draw your blade, Brother, and remove it so I can finally rest. Because I'm tired, Gabriel. I'm tired and hungry and thirsty and sick and so many other things right now."

"All right." His older brother forced a thin smile. "You win, Cassie." His head turned to the side. "Boys, will you help him sit up for a moment?"

Both Sam and Dean wordlessly went to the angel's side. A few tugs a moment later, and Cas was sitting up again. Most of his weight was against Dean who now sat behind him, Cas's usual messy bedhead resting back on the human's shoulder lightly.

Gabriel conjured up an empty vial and silently handed it to Dean. He then allowed his golden, delicately etched blade to slip into his hand.

Deep blues painted in all the shades of the ocean met the golden-brown honey tones.

A moment later, thick lashes fluttered closed in acceptance, hiding the cerulean.

Since they had wasted so much time already unfortunately, his big brother pressed the thin tip of his blade against Cas's throat and made the cut. The deadly sharp point sliced through, allowing weak, flickering Angelic Grace to glow out of the wound. Cas bit his lip to hold back his cries of pain.

Dean held the vial steady as the ethereal Grace floated in and pooled inside.

The sweet blue-eyed angel had no way of knowing how much had been gathered when it was said and done. However, he could tell from his brother's face—somber and regretful—and Dean's hold on him—rigid and tense—that it was far less than what they were expecting.

When he felt Dean pull his hand back a moment later, he shivered and moved back further against the man. It was the cold of humanity that bothered him the most sometimes, he'd admit. He couldn't understand how humans had survived this long when they were always so cold all the time.

Corking the vial, Dean quickly set it aside on the tray, allowing Cas to confirm his theory finally.

Three drops. That was all that was left. Three measly drops.

His chest clenched at the sight. He drew in a subdued breath, shuddering slightly, unable to look away. That was all that was left? His arms instinctively wrapped around his midsection, and his head bowed. If he had thought he had been in pain before, he now knew that had been nothing compared to this emptiness he felt now.

"Cas?" Dean quietly murmured behind him.

The newly turned human shivered viciously again as he curled in on himself more, chasing after warmth and fullness.

This time it was worse, so much worse, than when he was last without his Grace.

He didn't know how that could be, but it was.

He felt a sob deep in his chest work its way up his throat. He desperately tried to suppress it every way he could think of to prevent the display of weakness. But he failed. Like always. The first hitch of breath instantly cascaded into choked cries that rapidly morphed into a complete breakdown.

His wings!

No longer was that familiar weight where his shoulder blades came together. For the first time in a long time, he also didn't feel the ache in them. Instead, he felt nothing but hollowness. Emptiness.

Arms enveloped tightly around him. Loving whispers blanketed him.

But for the broken, blue-eyed, messy-haired former angel, none of that even registered. Left behind now was a terrible void he knew could never be fully filled again no matter what he did. So, what honestly was the point? No wings. No Grace. Just cold emptiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time on Angel Flu: Cas settles in with his new Gracelessness and finally has a long overdue conversation with his brother. Lots of Domestic Destiel coming up. :)


	4. Restfulness Rejuvenation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know. It's not Wednesday. I couldn't help myself, though. The comments and kudos and likes-it's all making me want to post faster for you than a full week. Not to mention, I'm pretty proud of this chapter. It's so fluffy. Except for that one part. But that's brief. As always enjoy, leave me a line if you want a faster update on that last chapter.

A day later under the glow of his bottled Grace that rested on a shelf above the bed, Cas learned the meaning of 'blanket burrito.' The second he felt the heavy weight of the multiple fuzzy blankets previously wrapped around so lovingly, he realized the sheer awesomeness of it and decided that he would remain in one forever. They were warm and fuzzy, and everything he needed honestly.

His cheek rubbed gently against one of the fluffy blankets—one Dean had just re-situated two minutes ago before leaving in fact—as he turned his head to the doorway. A ghostly smile made its way to his lips as he watched the taller man stride in balancing two plates of food on his arms with two beers in his hands. Ever since his breakdown, Dean had made it a point to sit with him, pretending everything was still fine. And during these moments, the former angel could almost believe that lie.

"So, I couldn't remember how you liked your eggs," rambled the green-eyed Hunter as he approached. "I thought maybe scrambled, but then I remembered you were all like Sammy the last time, health nut and stuff. But, yeah, we've got scrambled, poached, hard-boiled, omelet, you name it."

Cas forced a chuckle as he noticed the other prominent item on the plates. "And bacon, I see."

"Well, yeah," Dean drawled with a wide cocky grin. "I mean, who doesn't like bacon?"

Grabbing the offered plate, the messy-haired man inclined his head before he looked it over.

"I tried to make some of it healthy for you at least." His boyfriend pointed towards the omelet. "All fresh veggies were cut and washed today, and I used coconut oil instead of the usual stuff because Sammy says that's healthier or something." He shrugged before he glanced at him. "And whatever you don't like, man, just skip it and move on to the next. I'll eat whatever you don't."

"What if I eat it all?" Cas deadpanned. They had settled into a routine of easy teasing lately.

"Well, then I'm screwed obviously," Dean replied before he chuckled deeply. "Don't worry about it, though. I'm sure I can find something." He then jerked his head towards the plate. "And if you want something less greasy or whatever, I've got pancakes I can make or, hell, fresh fruit. We even have the good donuts, man. So, eat up."

"Thank you, Dean."

The Hunter waved his gratitude away, though, cracking open both of their beers.

Cas tilted his head in response. "Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it nine?" the former angel asked before he chose a piece of bacon to nibble on. He did admittedly enjoy the taste of meat the most.

"Yeah, so?" His Hunter obviously saw nothing wrong with this.

"Is there not a rule about drinking this early?"

"Psh. Only for losers like Sammy," he replied with another shrug. "But not for men like us, Cas."

Blue eyes stared harder at the lighter spiky brown-haired man.

"What?" Dean glanced down at himself a moment later, clearly confused. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No."

"Then what's with the stare, dude?" The former angel just continued to watch his Hunter silently, though. It'd come to him. It always did eventually. When green eyes widened almost comically several seconds later, Dean let out a little sound. "No." He groaned, his fingers curling tighter around his beer as if he expected Cas to snatch it out of his hands. "Come on, man! You gotta be kidding."

"I can't heal your liver anymore, Dean," he quietly pointed out. "So, perhaps it's time you—"

"Can't heal my—what the hell are you talking about?" His boyfriend then scoffed, shaking his head. "Wait. Are you sayin' you—oh, _son of a bitch_!"

"I'm not asking you to give up cold chicken."

"Turkey, Cas. It's cold turkey," the man muttered, rolling his green eyes. "And thank God for that. Because if you were, I'd dump your ass." He then raised a brow. "And I'd take the blankets too."

Cas instantly pulled the blankets tighter around himself protectively. Like hell would Dean take these warm fuzzy instruments of healing from him. His grip was second to none.

Shaking his head, the Hunter groaned loudly, his shoulders sagging. The brilliant forest green eyes fell back to the beer in his hand, as his lip curled slightly in obvious disgust.

"Fine," grumbled the man. "I'll get us fucking juice then." He muttered something else under his breath, too low for Cas to catch, as he turned to leave.

"Perhaps something not so acidic please?" suggested the former angel before he instantly winced when his boyfriend whirled back. Oh, Dean did not like that suggestion clearly.

"What?"

"Juice—it's known to be highly acidic and contain large amounts of sugar."

Dean stared at him blankly. His right eye then twitched. He forced his smile even more a second later, which gave it an almost deadly appearance.

"Fine," the Hunter spat out, clearly seething. "What about fucking water? Is _that_ okay?"

The word slipped out before Cas could even stop himself, "Tap?"

His human inhaled sharply, green eyes glancing upwards before they snapped closed. He breathed in and out for a few moments in complete raging silence, causing Cas's insides to knot. The man's entire body was rigid and obviously full of fury. A second later, green eyes reopened.

"Yes, tap," Dean said through clenched teeth. "Because what the fuck else would it be, Cas?" he mumbled before he made another sound and took a step back.

The former Seraph tilted his head slightly as he watched the man. "What about almond milk?"

"Almond milk?" his boyfriend repeated, eyes widening again.

"Yes. It's enriched with—"

Throwing his hands up into the air, the eldest Winchester spun around, causing Cas to shut up in surprise. "Almond milk it is," the man growled, clearly enraged by their talk. "Though, how the fuck it can call itself milk is—where the hell are its—but, sure, Cas, I'll get your goddamn almond milk. I'll get it right fuckin' . . ." More words then were uttered under his breath—or rather hissed—as the tall Hunter stormed out of the room, leaving the fallen angel to stare into the empty doorway.

He hadn't meant to upset Dean. He was merely asking a question.

While they were all hoping human!Cas would be a temporary thing again, the angel also knew he needed to take care of his body now in case it wasn't. He couldn't rely solely on his Grace anymore to maintain Jimmy Novak's physique. He would have to eat healthy, exercise, sleep well: the whole ritual humans hated to do. While it wouldn't be that difficult for him really, he did feel it was important to have Dean partake as well. The Hunter wasn't getting any younger, and Dean had unfortunately taken very poor care of his body over the years. It could turn into something they bonded over. Hopefully.

If Dean didn't kill him first that was.

A sudden knock against the doorframe caused the former angel to jerk in surprise.

"Mornin'," Gabriel remarked coolly, slowly stepping inside. He had changed out of his button-down shirt and jeans Cas had last seen him wearing. He now wore a gray t-shirt with a large winged moose in the middle that read 'Got Moose?' and pair of black fuzzy pajama bottoms. His older brother looked extremely relaxed and comfy—and entirely human. Amber eyes briefly moved over him in obvious examination before they returned to the withdrawn blues. "So, how'd you sleep?"

Cas shrugged listlessly. He couldn't actually recall. In fact, it was his wake up that was more memorable to him. He had woken up feeling warm and loved and safe. But mostly loved.

"Cassie?" quietly prodded Gabriel, obviously wanting a verbal answer.

The former angel glanced down at his plate soon after. He should probably eat more than just a few pieces of bacon. Dean had clearly spent a lot of time and energy on this for him.

"Castiel."

He found his plate of food oddly more fascinating than his brother. Who knew?

"Brat, I'm talking to you here," Gabriel grumped.

Yes, he knew. He'd have thought his brother, being quite older than him, would have recognized that he didn't want to talk about this in the slightest. Though, Gabe was always special, he supposed.

Picking up his fork, the blue-eyed man stabbed a piece of omelet and took a small bite of it. The rich flavors instantly flooded his senses, sending up little bursts of tastes. Damn, that was good!

"Don't make me take that plate from you," his older brother warned.

Cas's hands instantly brought his plate closer into his chest as he glared. Like hell would his brother—

"Honestly, Cas, you look ridiculous."

"No. _You_ look ridiculous," shot back the former Seraph with a huff. "I'm merely eating." He took an even bigger bite this time, hoping it'd help Gabe get a clue. His eyes closed directly after he tasted the peppers, ham, egg, and cheese. Oh, that cheese was positively sinful . . . and awesome.

"You need a moment alone with your omelet?" Gabriel drawled sarcastically.

"Why?" Deep blues reopened as he glanced back. His brother had moved to his bedside now.

"Because you're looking—you know what—nah." The archangel shook his head and shrugged. "I'll let Dean-o explain that one to you." The sandy-haired man then sighed heavily. "But it is nice to see you eating, though. And seemingly better than, you know, last night."

"Ah." The messy-haired former angel nodded before he speared himself another bite, savoring all of it entirely. He very much enjoyed this more than tasteless molecules all the damn time. Food was positively remarkable. Well, Dean's food at least. Not that there was ever a doubt really.

"You are better, right?"

"Compared to?" Cas queried, opening an eye towards him with mild exasperation. Gabe was interrupting horribly. That said, he didn't want his brother to leave, merely just drop the conversation.

"I don't know. Any of it. All of it," his older brother replied with a scoff. "I mean, kiddo, you were dying on me. And then you shut down. And—" He sighed heavily as his words unexpectedly cut out. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. "I didn't know what to think."

"You could have trusted me," the younger pointed out. "Dean did."

The amber eyes sharpened at once. "What?" His brother then huffed when he didn't answer. Gabe shook his head in obvious frustration. "You seriously believe your boyfriend—Dean Winchester—trusted you? More than even I did?" He scoffed, starting to pace. "Wow, kiddo. I wish I had your faith."

Cas's head tilted. "What do you mean?" The food was settling strangely now than before.

"Nothing." His big brother scoffed again. "It doesn't matter."

"It appears that it does, though, judging by your so-called current display of 'bitchiness," the younger brother stated dryly. And the frequent angry pacing Gabe was currently doing as well.

"We prayed for you, brat. Dean and me. And Sammy and the kids. And Mom 1 and 2. Hell, even Balthy joined in at one point. We sent every freaking goddamn prayer we had up there. Directing it all towards the Heavenly Host, begging them to send help. So, you think we trusted you? That Dean trusted you?" Gabe stopped, staring at him somberly. "Kiddo, I wish I could say we did, but we didn't. Not then. Because in that moment, all we could think about was how we all fucked up and would lose you again. Hell, Cas, I prayed to fucking Dad for you! Begged him and promised him all sorts of crap just to get you—" The older angel released a loud breath to end his thought, his head falling forward slightly.

"What?"

"You shut down on us." His brother's voice was quiet as he slowly walked back like he was approaching a wounded animal. "It was like you lost your will to survive. Like you—like nothing mattered anymore. It was positively frightening. I've never seen anything like that before."

"Oh."

That explained quite a lot. Especially Dean's behavior if he were honest. He hadn't meant to worry or scare them, though. He hadn't meant really anything actually. He just needed a moment.

"Yeah." Gabe hooked his thumb into his pajama pocket casually as he stood beside the bed. "So, you know, forgive me for checking up on you, brat, but the last I saw was you staring off into space, not reacting to a damn thing, as Dean held you."

"That does seem rather . . ." He paused and searched for the right word. After a few moments of silence, though, it was clear there wasn't one. He silently set his half-eaten plate down, no longer feeling hungry. "I did state prior to removing my Grace, however, that it is an overwhelming experience."

"You can't be serious," his brother stated, stunned, taking a step back with wide whiskey eyes.

"I am." He met his brother's gaze. "I did warn of this effect beforehand."

"Oh, well, sorry there, kiddo." Gabe threw his hands up. "You see, all of us who love you, though—we were sort of losing our fucking minds. But, yeah, sure. Obviously, we should have remembered that you had stated it'd be overwhelming. Of course you told us," he snapped.

"There's no need for theatrics, Gabriel. I'm fine now. Alive and breathing. And extremely warm in this." He tugged on the blankets wrapped around him. "It's called a 'Blanket Burrito' according to Dean." He smiled inwardly. "It's very comfortable. You should try one sometime. It is very soothing."

"Oh really?" retorted his brother, clearly unamused.

He nodded. "In fact, I'm very glad he decided to wrap me in this last night. He stated it was done to ensure I would feel like I was always being hugged, of course. And I do feel like that."

Amber eyes flashed angrily for some strange reason a second later before his brother chuckled darkly. "Did he now?" Another hollow laugh fell from Gabe's lips as his eyes grew colder. "Tell me, little brother. Did Dean tell you that?" he growled. "That _he_ was the one who wrapped you up in the blankets like that?"

"Well, actually, no." Cas blinked, thinking back on it. Dean hadn't said those exact words.

"Because that son of a bitch didn't!" declared his brother, his eyes flashing with sparks of Grace as he interrupted. " _I_ was the one who wrapped you up in that, Castiel. Not Dean. Not Sam. Me! But, sure, give fucking Dean the credit. It's not like I was the one who realized your panic had to do with you no longer feeling your wings. Or how you felt so much colder than before. Or how empty you were feeling inside. No, no, of course—Dean Winchester is your hero in this case. Like always."

"For fuck's sake," huffed the green-eyed Hunter, finally returning from his literal milk run. "That's not what he's saying, dude! So, stop being jealous and acting like a little whiny bitch, Gabe. Because if I can believe Cas can love us both, so can you."

"You don't—"

"What?" Dean scoffed, cutting in sharply as he took a step towards the archangel. "I couldn't possibly know the voice inside your head going on about how you'll always be alone, never good enough, not worth a damn, unlovable, that your brother would be happier without you, all that shit? Yeah, man. Sure. I _clearly_ don't know a fuckin' thing about that." He shrugged a second later, rolling his eyes. "I mean, I'm only Dean Fuckin' Winchester after all." He scoffed, brushing past the shorter man. "Pick up your dad's book sometime, Gabe. You'll see how—and fuck me for saying this—you and I aren't really all that different. Us loving nerdy dudes is one of the many things we have in common."

Cas cocked his head sideways before he looked from his brother to Dean.

"Well, yes, Dean," remarked the blue-eyed man. "We established that months ago, I believe."

"Oh, shut it, bedhead!" huffed his boyfriend with a sigh.

Cas frowned in response. Well, that was rude. "You first, assbutt."

His older brother's earlier anger vanished again. His shoulders sagged in defeat before he adopted a faint smirk, obviously allowing their banter to distract him from his thoughts. "And that right there is why Team Sabriel will always beat Team Destiel. Because what Sammy and I—"

"You mean," interrupted Dean, raising a brow, "where you're lusting after my baby brother like the perv you are and are sexually harassing him constantly?" He shrugged with his hands. "Like that?"

"I am not—"

"Gabe, buddy, ol' pal," the eldest Winchester drawled, "if you looked up sexual harassment in the dictionary, there'd be your picture right there, front and center!"

The archangel huffed.

"And your grinning picture would be next to sexual deviant, Winchester," shot back Gabe.

"Oh, hardy-har, asshole," Dean grumbled, setting down Cas's glass of almond milk.

What would his be, the former Seraph wondered, his mind wandering. He supposed Heaven would say it'd be under the word 'Broken' as they threw that term the most at him. But he didn't feel that way currently. He could understand their terms. It partly worked for them. Though, why both chose overtly sexual terms was beyond him. They probably both thought it was funny or something.

"I think mine would be next to the word 'rebel," suddenly announced the newly turned human a few moments later after he had debated long and hard on this. As if the correct answer would solve all his problems. Gabe and Dean instantly went quiet. Cas glanced at them and noticed their surprised looks. Had he chosen the wrong word? He had thought it worked rather nicely.

"I'd say it's more like it'd be 'angel,' Sunshine," drawled his boyfriend with a quiet chuckle.

"But—"

"Just go with it, baby bro," his older brother sighed heavily.

"Fine."

Cas conceded. He was no longer an angel, though. He was human now. So, how would 'angel' work even now? Rebel, though—he was always a rebel. Human!Castiel. Leviathan!Castiel. God!Castiel. Hell, he was even a rebel during the whole Lucifer debacle.

"Not that anyone cares, I'm sure," a familiar British voice piped up from the doorway, gaining everyone's instant attention, Cas's most of all. Since when had Dean's room become a series of revolving doors? Had the former angel caused this as well? It would not bode well for him if it had. Appearing somewhat bored by the trio, Balthazar's steely gray eyes darted about the room. "But mine would obviously be under 'hedonism." He chuckled quietly before he smoothed down his tight, black V-neck shirt followed by brushing off his jeans. "And I disagree about yours, Cassie."

"You do?" Finally! Someone agreed with him.

"Of course." The smirk deepened, which caused the former Seraph's stomach to drop. Oh no. "You're clearly the brat in this dysfunctional family of ours."

Stormy blues glared back instantly. He really hated Balthazar sometimes. Why had the Seraph felt sorry for killing his brother again?

"If I'm the brat, then you're the wild child."

"Guilty as charged," the blond drawled with his hands held up nonchalantly.

The two younger brothers then turned to their eldest sibling in perfect sync.

"Oh, no you don't," warned Gabe, wagging a finger at them.

Balthazar snickered, turning to glance at his messy dark-haired brother. "It's just like old times again, isn't it, Cassie?"

"Perhaps."

"Don't make me snap my fingers, you two."

"There it is!" Both younger brothers declared, dissolving into a fit of laughter a moment later.

Gabe sighed heavily, rolling his eyes with a shake of his head. "Hilarious." He then walked back towards the doorway, gently grabbing the blond angel's arm above his elbow to steer him out. "Come on, Balthazar. Let's let the lovebirds have their moment and bug Mom again."

"That is a rather enjoyable thing, isn't it?" remarked the angel who hated Celine Dion. He then paused a moment later, slowly turning back. His eyes were lit up with sheer mischief. "Remember. Love sucks, boys. But true love—it swallows, however."

"Balthazar!"

"What?" The blond then nodded, seemingly understanding. "Oh, right." He cleared his throat. "Apologies. I meant to say instead, 'Leash your pet before launching your jet." At their horrified looks, he frowned. "What? Safe sex practices are very important. Especially in—"

Both Gabriel and Balthazar suddenly vanished from the room with a harsh snap.

Dean was the first to recover a moment later, scoffing. "All right then. Moving on." He then shook his head. "Seriously, though, we're definitely warding our room to keep those idiots out."

Cas softly chuckled, knowing the Hunter was only half-serious about it.

"So, almond milk." Dean picked the glass up and held it out to him. "Sammy luckily had some shoved in the way back of the fridge." Green eyes then glanced at the half-eaten plate on the nightstand. "You liked the omelets then but not the rest?"

"No. I—" The former angel sighed quietly. "I'm no longer hungry it would seem."

Dean's eyes instantly narrowed on him. "What? Why?" He looked him over as if Cas was still ill. "You feeling all right? Or is it just—I mean, I can go get that fruit instead. Just say the word, man."

His lip quirked faintly as he shook his head. "No, Dean. You don't need to do that."

"You have to eat, though."

"I'm aware." The newly human then chewed on his bottom lip quietly, his mind pondering. He could just ask straight out what he wanted and risk it all going to hell like usual. So far his Hunter had shown he was patient after all. Or he could—

"Cas?"

He winced in response. The Hunter could always see through him somehow.

"Hey. You have to talk to me, okay? Cause I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."

"I know." Cas met the bright green eyes he loved so much. "But I don't know if I can. Because nothing is wrong, and that's the problem. How do you fix something when nothing is wrong?"

"Okay." The man sat down on the edge of the bed, facing him.

"I'm—it's strange. My brothers annoy me greatly, and yet I don't want them to leave."

Dean nodded back slowly. "So, do you want me to go see where they flew off to then?"

"No. Because I enjoy our time alone together as well."

Smiling inwardly at that, his boyfriend nodded, clearly enjoying the sentiment.

"And yet I feel . . ." Lost? No that wasn't it. The messy-haired man struggled to come up with the words. It was important, though, whatever he was trying to say. "I have a family, Dean."

"Yeah, you do. A big dysfunctional family," the eldest Winchester teased with a chuckle. "But they love you. The ones who matter at least. We all do, Cas." He then smiled wider, leaning towards him. His freckles were so beautiful then that the former angel nearly started counting them again. It was his favorite activity after all. "Me especially."

"I know." He then sighed quietly, his head reluctantly turning away so he could concentrate again. "I—I can't explain this. I want to be with you. But I also want to be with them. And with Jack and Claire. And speak with Sam and the sheriffs. I'm . . . conflicted." He peeked towards the silent man. Dean's face was blank, not giving away any of the man's thoughts. "I used to know what to do. What my next move was. Now, I'm—I'm at a loss. I just want all of it. At once. All the time." The words started flowing easier, and the heaviness he felt was lessening. "Because I feel as if I don't, I'll miss something important. Time was . . . I didn't think on it much before as an angel. What felt long to you was mere moments to me. And now . . . if I spend all my time with you, then I'm neglecting the others who love me. Aren't I? And that's not fair to anyone." Dean's eyes finally glanced down, which caused Cas's voice to falter. "I'm sorry. I . . . I can't even be a human right it would seem."

Green eyes snapped up instantly, though. "No, man. There's no reason to apologize. Hell, the fact that you are, you know, thinking about all that now—I mean, I don't think about it all the time because it'd drive me insane honestly—but there are times when I'm with you or Sam and wishing I was with the other. It's all good, though. Really. You're just facing the problem with humanity."

"Poor time management skills?"

Dean chuckled, shaking his head. "No, man. Trying to figure out how to be human." He then patted Cas's blanketed leg gently. "But I think I know a way to help."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Course I do," he drawled. "Family night."

"What?"

"It's the silence that gets your mind racing, right? Making you think you're not spending enough time with all of us?"

"I suppose."

"You were used to hearing, what, Sammy breathing in the next room all the time, your brothers lately annoying the crap out of Jody and Donna, Claire and Jack in the library. And now you just hear whoever is in the room you're in. To you, that's probably too silent. We just have to, you know, work on getting you adjusted to all of this again. So, you and me, our crazy family—family night. It'll distract you enough from the silence, and you won't feel so damn guilty about who to spend time with. Yeah?"

"But what would we do for this 'family night?"

"Whatever we want, dude." The man shrugged. "You want to make tacos? We'll make tacos. Pizza—I'm there, man. Sorry or Twister—sure. Binge watching an entire documentary on bees and stuff—yeah. Just us doing something together as one big family. That's family night."

"So, like our times in the Dean cave?"

"Yeah, like that. Only with everyone this time instead of you, me, and Sammy."

Cas nodded slowly, as he considered this.

"You in?"

"I suppose." Though, he had no idea what he was actually 'in'. He could recall their times with Jack after his return from the Empty, but that soon became few and far between. He had enjoyed those memories. Perhaps he could relive it again. Maybe. Depending on his brothers.

"Awesome." His boyfriend hopped up. "You think you'll be okay for a moment if I go tell the rest of them about the plan?"

"As opposed to what?" Cas asked, utterly perplexed.

"I only—I don't know how long I might be, so you might be alone for a bit."

The former angel's head tilted as his brows drew together. "I was alone quite a bit the last time I was human." He instantly saw the forest green eyes widen before the man's face suddenly went blank.

"Yeah. Um, I'll just—try to eat some more, all right? You got to keep up your strength," murmured his boyfriend quietly, turning away and quickly walking back out of the room before Cas could even open his mouth to explain.

"Ouch."

The angelic-less man sighed in annoyance, his eyes darting upwards, before he turned towards his brother. Of course Balthazar would show up right then again. The blond angel was like a bad rash.

"Poor Winchester. He was only trying to help you, Cassie." His brother then forced a laugh. "You're not going to kill him next, are you?"

"What?" Cas felt his stomach drop to his toes.

"I was only trying to help you too, remember? Trying to keep you from destroying the world and yourself in the process?" The blond then shrugged. "And what did I get for my troubles? An angel blade to my back. My Grace exploding. Nine years in the Empty."

"Balthazar—"

"Oh, no, Cassie." His brother chuckled mirthlessly. "This conversation of ours is long overdue. Wouldn't you say? So with Gabriel finally distracted with his dear sweet Sam—and your freckled ape gathering up the others—we finally have a moment alone to hash this all out once and for all."

"Balthazar, I didn't—"

"What?" barked the blond, scoffing. "You didn't mean to kill me? Oh, Cassie. You can lie to yourself all you want, but we both know the truth deep down." His eyes hardened. "You did. I stood in your way. You saw me as a problem, and without any regard to my life, you killed me."

"Please."

The freshly turned human felt his stomach recoil at the words. He was going to vomit again.

"And the truly messed up part out of all of this," his brother remarked with a callous shrug "is that I understand it and that I forgive you for killing me, Castiel."

"You shouldn't—"

"You're right. Absolutely! I shouldn't!" Balthazar huffed a laugh, though. "But I'm an angel. I think differently than humans do, remember? I can look beyond the emotional and look at it logically. Raphael wanted to restart the Apocalypse. You didn't. He didn't care about the loss of humans that would result in its return. The possibility of the Winchesters' deaths. Whereas you'd—or rather have—sacrificed everything for the selfish, careless maggots. So, you did what you thought you had to in order to save humanity. To save them. And I stepped in your way, Castiel, dying in the process."

"I'm sorry," breathed the former angel, trembling through watery blue eyes. What had he done?

The blond huffed another dark laugh. "Oh, I can see that, Cassie." He shook his head. "Just as I can see why you enjoy their company." The coldness melted away gradually. "They have a sort of . . . air about them. They've even sunk their teeth into our infallible big brother it seems." His lip quirked slightly. "Even I at the end there joined their stupid team. And earned a very sexy scar as a result of it."

Cas glanced down guiltily, though, feeling his stomach roll more. How could he have done that? Killed his own brother whom he loved so much? Who had always been there by his side after Gabe left? Balthazar should have been screaming, telling him how wretched he was. How he deserved death. Something. Something that wasn't this! Because this honestly felt so much worse of a punishment.

"Hey, none of that, thank you!" scoffed his brother, pushing up his chin a moment later. His steely grey met Cas's watery blues. "We needed to finish this, Castiel. Do you know why?" He didn't wait for the answer. "So you and I can finally move on from this shit show and be brothers again. Like we used to be. Do you recall?"

No. All he could remember right then was his brother's heartbroken voice, his own blade deep in his loyal brother's back, the blinding light that had exploded from the blond. It repeated over and over.

" _Cas . . ." His brother's last words on a never-ending loop. "Cas . . ."_

"I killed you," the former angel choke-sobbed, the pain settling heavy in his chest. It all flooded out of him, his walls bursting in despair, hopelessness, strangling guilt. "I . . . I took my blade and—and—" And he had done the same to so many of his brothers and sisters over the years, too, all in the name of protecting the Winchesters, protecting _Dean_.

What had he done?

Arms suddenly encircled him, too lost to wonder whose, pulling him tightly against the person.

"Shh," murmured the voice, so full of warmth and love, near his ear. "Let it out, Brother. Let all of it out." Hands gently rubbed his back that somehow he could feel underneath the many layers of blankets. "You've held onto this darkness long enough. So, like Elsa, let it go."

Cas buried his face into the person's neck, his fingers tightly hanging on to the shirt in a death grip as if afraid the person would vanish. When he felt the familiar feel of invisible wings wrap around him lovingly, he shook and curled more into his consoler. He remembered this, his brother's hugs.

"Shh, Cassie. I have you, Brother."

It all screeched to a halt when a voice suddenly yelled, "What the fuck did you do, asshole?!"

"Cas—"

At hearing his name on his brother's lips said once more, the blue-eyed, messy-haired former Seraph instantly threw his head back and screamed up to at his former home, the cries coming deep from within. He roared his pain, letting all of it out.

"Holy fuck!" another voice added to the melee.

He screamed his guilt for the brothers and sisters he murdered.

He cried his despair for the ones he failed to save.

He howled his pain for all the times he had let the Winchesters down.

He roared at his father who abandoned them all and betrayed him deeper than anyone else had.

But most of all, he wailed for the unimaginable ache in his body now and bellowed to the Heavens that had hurt him, that had tortured him, that had betrayed him time and time again. He screamed until he finally went silent, the ache within vanishing, and his voice giving out.

His body sagged heavily into his brother's. His head gently fell against the angel's shoulder, and he sighed heavily. His eyes closed with his breathing evening out gradually. His throat hurt horribly.

"Gabe?" questioned Balthazar above him a moment later, as Cas continued to take a moment.

"Yeah, I see it," mumbled the archangel before Cas felt familiar warmth of Grace ease his pain.

"See what?" Dean asked, entering the conversation. "What do you see?"

Cas inhaled deeply, though, reopening his eyes. He felt so much better now. Exhausted, surely, but better. His throat no longer hurt even. He owlishly glanced at his older brother, catching the amber.

Gabriel instantly waved Dean off. His focus solely on Cas. "How you feelin' there, kiddo?"

"Drained but . . . all right, I think?" he answered hesitantly. He then pulled back, grateful that his younger brother had released him without comment. His eyes moved over to Dean, and he smiled faintly at the confused man. He could see the concern underneath the anger clear as day. "Dean, I'm fine."

"You say you're fine, but—dude, you were just screaming like a banshee." The man shook his head. "Not sure that counts as fine there."

Blue eyes rolled dramatically as Cas shrugged off the heavy blankets around his shoulders finally. He didn't need them anymore for some strange reason. He finally felt warm enough again. No more blanket burrito for him. Just a loose shirt and boxers Dean had provided him with earlier.

Balthazar snorted then. "But how else was he to gain a soul then?"

"What?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Blondie?"

His older brother sighed loudly in response, gaining both Cas and Dean's attention.

"But . . . I'm an angel," Cas murmured, seemingly confused. "I shouldn't be able to get a soul. Even Graceless, it shouldn't be possible." Maybe down the line someday through magic or something.

Balthazar glanced at Gabe, who again sighed heavily in obvious annoyance.

"All right. Speak, bird brains," Dean growled, glaring at the blond and sandy-haired angels. "How the fuck did Cas get a soul? And what the hell does that mean for later when we fix his Grace?"

Cas sighed, though. "It means I can't take my Grace back." That he could answer.

"Eh," grimaced Gabriel, scratching the back of his head. "Not exactly."

"What?"

No. That was what he had always been taught. Grace and soul could never work in a vessel long term. Eventually, one would reject the other and burn out both. He could hear Uriel and Naomi's words clear as day on this. And he had asked every question known to man on the fascinating subject of souls.

"Theoretically, it's possible. I mean, think of it like Jack's Grace. All right?" Gabe explained. "As long as he has his Grace and his soul, they're in sync."

"I'm not a Nephilim, Gabriel."

"Yeah, but you're not exactly a normal angel either, kiddo."

"So . . . what are we saying here exactly then?" Dean glanced between them.

"For now, we do nothing," answered calmly the archangel. "And later on, once we figure out about his Grace, then, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Okay, but . . ." He sighed, looking anxiously at Cas. He then blinked, obviously deciding to let it drop and move on. "You've got a soul now, Cas. What's that feel like, man?"

"Different, but oddly warm." He then gave his boyfriend a tender smile. More distractions were needed. Because with his brothers and Dean in the room, he felt much better now than before. "I think, if you're still agreeable to it that is, I'd like to have that family night with you, Dean."

"You feel up to it?" His Hunter clearly wasn't convinced.

Cas paused for a moment and considered it. Did he? He was rather tired actually if he were being honest, but he knew his dreams would be very unsettled if he tried to sleep. Most of his dreams the last time he was human were regrettably things of nightmares unfortunately. Distractions seemed to be a good idea. And if this didn't work, he had a feeling his Hunter would be okay with leaving early.

"Yes, Dean. I do believe I am. Though, I can't say I won't drift off occasionally if we watch a movie, especially one of your cowboy ones."

With a wide grin, the green-eyed Winchester snorted. "Games it is then."

"Games?" Balthazar suddenly lit up with excitement, all childlike and full of wonder, a moment later. "Like pin the tail on the human?"

"Of course not," Gabe huffed, shaking his head. "Obviously, he's talking about spin the bottle and games like that."

Dean stared at both angels for a moment and then rolled his eyes. "Actually, morons, I was thinking of, like, Uno, Twister, shit like that."

"Twister? Why would you play a game like that?" groaned Balthazar. "It's stupid."

"Ooh. I know!" the archangel cried. "We could play strip poker!"

"No. Just . . . god, no."

Gabriel reared back slightly and then chuckled with a shit-eating grin.

"Wait . . . Gabe . . . no . . ." Dean pleaded. "Whatever you're about to do, man. Don't!"

"MOM!" shouted the archangel, his voice amplified through the bunker.

Dean and Cas instantly covered their ears, groaning.

Balthazar then grinned, following his older brother. "MOOOOOOOM!"

The two humans groaned louder, their hands pressing harder against their ears.

The angels finally stopped yelling a minute later, their grins wide and deadly, as the two sheriffs rushed inside the room.

"Jeez Louise, you two are loud tonight!" Donna declared with a suffering sigh as Jody stepped up next to her a second later. Both women's eyes darted to Dean and Cas, likely finding everything in order, before they returned to the angels. "I've heard newborns quieter than you two." She then waved them on. "So, go on then. What do you boys need now?"

"Dean won't let us play strip poker!" complained Gabe, pointing at the green-eyed Hunter.

Jody and Donna both blinked and then glanced at one another.

"I'm sorry," hesitated the Sioux Falls sheriff, turning back. "What?"

"They won't let us play strip poker tonight for family night," explained Balthazar quietly.

"Okay, well, um . . ." murmured the short-haired woman. She then sighed heavily, glancing back to her long blond-haired companion. "I've got nothing. How about you?"

"Nada," Donna remarked with a shrug.

"Beer then?"

"Yeah. I could do with one."

Gabriel and Balthazar both blinked in surprise.

"Wait, but what about—MOM, don't leave us!"

Jody whirled back on them almost instantly. "Guys, come on. We're not your mom." She sighed heavily, giving the two angels a gentle, almost maternal look. "Because if we were, you'd be a hell of a lot better behaved. Capiche?"

Wasn't that the truth?

"But . . ." Gabriel sighed quietly, as Balthazar's head hung. The Academy Awards clearly went to them for best actors.

"Dad left."

They fake pouted, hesitantly glancing towards the ladies. When that didn't work, they added trembling lips to their act.

"He went out on a—"

The women rolled their eyes and shook their heads as Dean's eyes narrowed into slits on them, recognizing their words. "You're a billion years old. Both of you."

"Actually, Mother, I'm only a million years old," Balthazar corrected with a fake sniffle as he wiped at the corner of his dry eye. "And Cassie's half a billion. But I forgive you. It gets a little confusing sometimes even for us."

"Whatever." Jody huffed. "Get over it, boys. Parents leave sometimes. Doesn't mean you get to excuse all your bad behavior on that. Now, go get the rest of them set up in the library. Understand?"

"Yes, Mom," both angels mumbled as they left.

The women then turned their attention back on Dean and Cas.

"You two okay?"

Dean turned to look at Cas in response, allowing him to answer for them.

"It would seem I have a soul now, thanks to my brother," bluntly answered the former Seraph with a slight shrug. As if it wasn't that big of a deal really. Which he ultimately knew it was, but he didn't want to think too hard on it quite yet.

"Oh."

"And I enjoy omelets and bacon."

Jody smiled maternally at him.

"And blanket burritos." The words were tumbling out, and he couldn't stop himself. "Once my soul appeared, however, it became too uncomfortable to be in it," he further explained, brushing off Dean's snort beside him. "I also am finding my stomach clenching and twisting sometimes, but I don't feel ill. And yet it does this thing that makes me think I will be."

"Well, does it only happen during certain times? Like when you're thinking certain things?"

He thought back on it before he shook his head. "Not at regular intervals, no."

"Probably just be a case of nerves or something." Donna then glanced to Dean. "You've got some Pepto stashed somewhere?"

The Hunter nodded before he headed off to grab it.

The deep blues watched his boyfriend disappear into the hallway and sighed, his teeth raking across his bottom lip. It was a habit he was doing more lately. But he didn't like it when people left. Had he become clingy now? He hoped not.

"Castiel?"

He glanced up, not realizing he had zoned out again.

"Yes, Sheriff Mills?" he replied politely.

"Jody, Cas. You can call me Jody." She then lowered her voice and smiled wider. "Or, you know, Mom, if you want to get back at your brothers sometime. I'll even play along as long as it's you."

He laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"How are you really, though? Other than the stomach thing?"

"Fine." He then chuckled quietly to himself, hearing himself. "As fine as I can be at least." They nodded in response, which urged him to continue. "And now with being human, I don't need to worry about when Dean and I decide to take our relationship to the next level."

Donna and Jody instantly grinned and laughed softly.

"Um, Cas, I don't think you had to worry about that before."

He frowned, tilting his head to the side. "My vessel may have been male, but it was possible with my Grace to—"

"What?"

The ladies blinked at him with wide eyes.

"My Grace," he stated. "It would have made alterations to the vessel, of course, to ensure—"

"You're shitting us, right?" Jody's mouth dropped.

"Um, no. I'm not currently defecating," he said, his brows furrowing in concentration. "I am, as Dean would say, 'House-trained," he said complete with quotation marks.

"Wait. So, you're saying . . . oh. OH!"

He glanced between both women, even more confused. He was missing something.

"You could really have gotten pregnant? I mean, you—"

"As an angel, I was genderless," he reminded gently. "A being consisting solely of energy and light. With a vessel, however, I would be able to interact with humans in various ways, including that of a sexual nature. If I wanted to that was." Which he usually didn't because he didn't see the point frankly.

Well, at least until that green-eyed Hunter of his showed up.

"And . . . do you?" Donna inquired, rolling her eyes when Jody hit her arm.

"Do I what?"

"Want to interact with humans in a, ya know, sexual nature?" she asked, grinning widely as she gestured vaguely towards him.

"I . . ." He stopped himself and sighed. "I did enjoy waking up with Dean this morning."

"Did ya now?"

"Donna."

"What? Just asking a question here, Jody. Jeez." The Minnesota sheriff then gave him a wide grin. "Just remember. Always keep it covered, angel."

"Oh dear," muttered the shorter-haired sheriff, turning to the door. "Dean, you can come in anytime now." She sighed heavily when the doorway remained empty. "Really. Anytime."

"Keep what covered?" Cas asked innocently. He had a feeling it was another sexual reference of course, as he had found himself being subjected to more of them ever since he and Dean had started dating. But just in case it wasn't, he'd ask. He was at a gross disadvantage at being human unfortunately. He'd need all the help he could get, therefore.

His eyes then darted to the doorway a moment later, instinct taking over. He couldn't explain it, but he just knew before he saw. _Dean._ He caught the beautiful deep evergreen eyes staring at him before the man shook his head and walked in further with a pink bottle in hand.

"Not you two," complained the Hunter. "Those dicks I can get, but you two? Come on." He then poured out a healthy dose of thick pink liquid and held it out, standing near the former angel. He snorted when Cas stared at it. "Yeah. I'll warn you now, man. This stuff doesn't taste the best, but it does help. Best thing you can do, though, treat it like a shot and swallow quickly."

He raised a brow. Was Dean serious?

"I know, but it'll help. Trust me."

Sighing inwardly, the newly turned human grabbed the measured dose, wrinkling his nose up at it. It smelled funny to him even. However, if they were right and this would help, he would suck it up then. He tossed the cup back, making a face at the horrid taste, before he gulped it down. His tongue rubbed furiously against his mouth, trying to scrape off the thick pink crap. That stuff was awful!

"It's not that bad, Cas." His boyfriend chuckled, grabbing the medicine cup back from him and holding out in exchange his glass of almond milk.

The former Seraph immediately guzzled that down greedily before he handed it back and groaned. The milk didn't taste right either! Snatching a hold of the bottle of beer still beside him on the nightstand, he tossed that back as well, downing it as fast as he could. The bitter taste instantly helped rid him of the other two. Maybe he'd have to revise his earlier no beer rule.

"You good?"

He huffed, glancing at the Hunter while noticing the ladies' badly hidden smirks. "No."

"Well, unfortunately, we're going to have to take more of it until you start feeling better. So—"

"There's nothing else I could take?"

"Well, there is," Dean admitted with a shrug. "But we're going to try this one first. Okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm pretty sure you won't like the other options even more."

The former angel groaned, shaking his head. "Being human sucks."

The ladies and Dean laughed quietly.

"Yeah, it does sometimes. But there is one good thing, though."

He glanced at him with an unamused look. "I fail to see how any of this is good, Dean."

The man's smile widened. "That's cause you're only seeing it from the crappy stuff, Cas."

"He's right," Jody said with Donna nodding silently beside her. "You have to look beyond these moments. Being sick sucks, sure, but there are good things that can come out of it."

"Such as?"

He failed to see how any of this could end up good. He was draining their energy, wasting their time. And whining most especially, but he found it hard to stop unfortunately.

"Dude, come on." The green-eyed Hunter chuckled loudly before he sat down on the bed beside him again. "You get to stay in bed all day, all right? In your PJs with no judgment? And you get waited on hand and foot? Seriously? That's like—heaven."

"But I'm a burden to you again," Cas blurted out, pausing when he caught the green eyes widening before they softened again. He hadn't meant to say it aloud. It just slipped out, though. He quickly searched to figure out how he could walk this one back. He didn't want him to think—

"Hey, stop. Stop," his boyfriend whispered, grabbing his face to force their eyes to meet. "You're not a burden." He flashed a coy smile and lowered his voice. "I want to take care of you. All right? I like this sort of stuff. Not that you're sick of course but taking care of you. I mean, shit, man, how many times over the years did you take care of me? I finally can repay the favor. All right?"

"But you'll grow tired of me."

"Eventually, sure," the Hunter admitted with a shrug. "Just like you get tired of putting up with my shit all the time, too. But we work through that. Don't we?"

"Yes."

"So . . . we'll work through this too, Cas." He then gave him another tender smile. "Because the only thing that matters to me is if you're good, if you're happy. Cause—and yes cue the chick-flick moment—I love you. Got it, Sunshine?" he asked before he gently tapped his knuckle against Cas's forehead. "Or do I need to beat it into your thick skull some more?"

Pausing in his response, Cas glanced upwards when he caught Jody and Donna moving towards them suddenly. His eyes briefly narrowed in confusion before he watched and felt the ladies gently embrace them in tight hugs. He noted his Hunter's surprise instantly, watching Dean sink into Jody's embrace soon after. He glanced at Donna who was mostly hugging him, even more puzzled by her smile. What was going on? Why were they being hugged? What happened? Had they done something?

"We're so proud of you, Dean," whispered Jody before she pressed a chaste kiss to the top of the Hunter's head. Her eyes then met the confused cobalt blues. "And you too, Cas."

Both ladies then pulled back from them, smiling proudly.

"You have five minutes, kids. If you're not in the library by then, we're doing family night without you. Got it?"

Dean snorted, rolling his eyes. "Got it, Mom," he quipped.

"Damn straight, Winchester," remarked the shorter-haired woman, quickly turning away and walking out with Donna at her side. They silently shut the door behind them.

"Dean?"

The man chuckled quietly, turning back to him. "Yeah, Cas?"

"What just happened?"

His human rolled his eyes and snorted. "I don't know, man. I think they found us adorable or something. I don't ask anymore." He then patted the former angel's blanket-clad leg. "You need some help or you good?"

"With?"

"Changing into some sweats for one thing."

"What?" He glanced down at himself before he turned back. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" He actually felt rather comfortable.

"Yeah, as much as I love that whole thing you have going on right now, you're not going out in your boxers, buddy. Not with the kids out there."

"But the blanket burrito is too warm now."

Dean's smile grew. "I'm sure." He then patted his leg again. "Look. You're sick. So you can get away with this in here, Cas, but I think Claire and the others might have some words if you came out in boxers and a t-shirt."

Cas's eyes darted down to the blanket instantly. Oh.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"I don't have anything else." The former angel had been wearing his boyfriend's discarded clothes since the start of this saga unfortunately.

"Oh, fuck!" the man groaned. "That's right. Damn it! I'm such an idiot sometimes." He pressed his tongue against his cheek and thought for a moment. "Okay. Give me a sec. I might have some clean ones you can wear." He then winced, glancing around his room. "Somewhere. It'll take me a minute." He hopped up off the bed, heading for his dresser. "First thing we're going to do when you're feeling better is getting you some of your own clothes. I should have done that a while ago, but—sorry, Cas."

"It's fine."

"No it's not," the man snorted with his back to him, pulling out a pair of black sweatpants from the middle drawer. "You deserve your own things and not have to wait on me to remember this stuff."

"I was human before, Dean."

"Exactly," the Hunter replied, turning back with sweats in hand, "and I fucked that up royally last time. I'm not going to do it this time. I'm going to get right this time, Cas."

"Dean—"

He handed him the black pants, though, which Cas sighed and slipped on.

"You shouldn't have gone through any of that shit alone. You didn't deserve that. You've always been by my side, and I should have—"

Cas gently grabbed his human's face, smiling softly when Dean glanced up at him in surprise.

"What is done is done. So, let us leave the past where it belongs and move on."

"Yeah, yeah." Emerald eyes rolled. "We should get out there before they all think we're, you know." He gestured vaguely, as Cas released him.

"Engaged in coitus?"

Loud laughter erupted from the Hunter instantly. "Dude, come on!" Dean complained through loud chuckles. "You can't just say shit like that." He then shook his head. "And, for the record, Angel, the phrase is 'Fucking." He messed Cas's raven locks up more, tousling it. "Which we have your damn hair to thank for that assumption."

"Apologies, Dean," he replied, bowing his head with a smirk. The second he felt the man's fingers in his hair, his heart started to race and his breath caught in his throat. He wanted more of that.

"Don't, man." Dean then hit his shoulder. "It's sort of sexy. I guess." He turned away a second later, heading towards the door. When Cas didn't follow right away, he glanced back. "You coming?"

The former angel raised a brow, forcing his face to remain neutral. Maybe he'd take a page out of his brother's book for once. "Yes, Dean. You know, I always _come_ when you call." He watched the forest green eyes widen before the Hunter grabbed the wall beside him, doubling over wheezing.

"Oh, you fucking asshole." His Hunter pointed at him, chuckling. "I blame your damn brothers."

"That usually is the sensible thing to do," Cas drawled, catching up a moment later. "Considering that they're typically the reason behind most matters."

"Ain't that the truth?" quipped Dean, opening the door for them. They walked out together a second later and down the hallway. Family night, here they come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time on Angel Flu: Family night! What could go wrong with an archangel, former Seraph, lower angel, Hunters, kids, and sheriffs playing games? Right? :)


	5. Mending Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies. Final chapter. For this fic at least. This has been an absolute joy to write complete with ups and downs. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I have. I admit that I meant to post this back on Friday, but some real life stuff happened, and I needed to step back. Many thanks needs to go to my amazing RiaRose for helping me with the ending as I just couldn't get the last paragraph to come out the way I wanted and had envisioned it to be. With this last edit, I finally got it. At least I think I do. You'll be the judge of that. :) As always, thank you so much for taking the time and reading.

As they continued down the corridor towards the library, the green-eyed Hunter occasionally would bump into the former Angel's shoulder or hand accidentally. Each time, Cas's stomach would flutter in response. The first time he thought he was about to be violently ill again, but he quickly realized that wasn't what this was. Now, knowing full well what it was thankfully, he could barely hold back the wide, gummy smile that quirked up his badly chapped lips. He was truly happy, undeniably so. On top of the world, he would state if asked. And he never wanted this to stop.

When they rounded the last turn, his boyfriend suddenly grabbed a hold of his arm. He paused and glanced at Dean in confusion. Why had they stopped? Was something wrong? Was this when the bottom would drop out inevitably and the Empty would take him for good now?

"All right. If I don't do this now," mumbled the taller man.

Do what? What was Dean going to do? What was going on?

His boyfriend continued, though, "I'm going to be fucking distracted all night."

Cas wasn't following. In fact, he was fairly certain he was on an entirely different wavelength than his Hunter right then. He opened his mouth to speak, only to find his beautiful human gently press him up against the nearby wall. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He blinked as that was the only thing he _could_ do. And then Dean's lips were on his. His mind shut down completely, unable to process anything going on beyond the feel of Dean pressed against him—the wall—kissing him—

Oh dear.

His legs shook.

His heart thundered in his ears.

His breath stolen entirely by the man who was solely focused on his goal right then.

His hands gripped tightly the fabric between them, holding on for dear life.

His eyes stared unfocused.

His lips burned.

His—

Everlasting lush green met never-ending oceanic blue.

Fuck!

A throaty chuckle hummed between them.

And then, quick as it had appeared, Dean pulled back, causing Cas nearly to crumple to the floor as a result. The only thing that kept him upright was the Hunter's firm hand pressed into his chest.

"Yeah," smirked his Righteous Man, his eyes a vibrant emerald. "Gets better every time we do that, doesn't it?"

Unable to get any words out, the former Angel of the Lord nodded jerkily. Yes. Yes it did.

Dean's fingers then slipped in between his, slotting them together perfectly. As if they were created solely for one another. Their broken pieces—and were there so many of those unfortunately—fit just right together.

"Come on, Cas," his Hunter smiled widely. "Let's go before they start looking for us."

"Yes, Dean," he murmured, following obediently. He'd follow Dean until the very end. Always.

They entered the library a moment later, still holding hands.

"Sorry we're late." The green-eyed man flashed his trademark cocky smile to the others gathered around the long table, as if daring someone to comment, which no one of course did. "So, what are we playin'? Texas Hold 'Em? Sorry?" he asked, releasing Cas's hand. "Twister? Monopoly? What?"

Sam was the first to answer. "Actually, we were thinking Uno."

Dean snorted instantly, taking his seat in the middle across the table from his brother. "Yeah, because nothing says family night like Uno." He turned to glance at Cas, who took the empty seat beside him, and turned back once the former angel was seated.

"Well, as long as you don't play like a dick like usual," replied the youngest Winchester, "we should be fine."

"Hey, man. It's not Uno if you're not playing like one," the older brother drawled back.

Missing the warmth from Dean's hand, Cas glanced around the table, unsure of what else to do.

Sam and Dean were in the middle opposite one another. When facing the table from the War Room, the order went on the left side Balthazar, Donna, Gabriel, Sam, Jack, and Alex. Whereas opposite of them on the right, the order was Jody, Cas, Dean, Claire, and Patience. In front of all of them on the table were various board games, finger food snacks, and drinks.

The former Seraph grabbed the glass closest to him that held a clear liquid, catching his older brother's sharp gaze. He almost hesitated in grabbing it.

"If you don't like that flavor, just let me know. It should be cran-raspberry, I think," Gabe stated with a shrug. "Or maybe it was cran-grape. I forget which."

"Thank you." His brother only nodded silently before the sandy-haired man turned back to Sam.

Cas took a quick sip from his glass, recognizing it as actually being fruit punch. It wasn't half bad, he'd admit. He waited for someone to explain this game to him exactly. As time passed, though, he found his mind wandering again. It wasn't necessarily silent by any means, as the kids were quietly talking amongst themselves and his foolish brothers were driving Jody and Donna insane with their antics. But his mind wasn't doing anything but observing everyone.

He couldn't help it. He felt out of place again. Like he didn't belong with them.

Underneath the table, his hand against his leg then started to drum nervously against the soft material of his pajama bottoms as he waited. Everyone else seemed to be at ease. He, however, felt like he was an intruder at the table. Which he supposed he was.

His brothers at least could go with the flow on this. Even Jack could. He, on the other hand, found himself wanting to know every single rule to this Uno to get it right. He had gotten so many things wrong over the years. He didn't want this to be another.

When he felt the calloused hand slip back around his, his fingers stilled. A gentle squeeze a moment later helped ground him more. He could do this. He could. He just needed to focus. And breathe. Breathing was fairly important nowadays.

"All right. So, to recap for those of you who haven't played in a while, rules of Uno are simple," Dean announced, grabbing the colorful card deck from the pile of games one-handed while still holding Cas's under the table with his other hand. "Each player gets seven cards to start with."

Sam motioned towards the empty space in the table. "Here will be the Discard pile, and there will be the Draw pile next to it."

"For this round, I'll be your handsome dealer," Dean drawled, squeezing Cas's hand underneath the table one last time before he pulled his hand back.

"Wait. You're not playing?"

"Nah, Sammy," Dean chuckled. "Not this go around. Can't scare them all right away, can we?" Hazel eyes rolled as Sam snorted. The eldest Winchester turned his attention back to the players. "Now, normally, the player to my left is typically the first to go. But we're going to go with youngest for this game." Everyone glanced at Jack who blinked owlishly. Dean shuffled the cards before he divided them out face down. "Each of you will look at your cards and try to match it up with the card in the Discard pile. Got it?" He didn't wait for their answer. "Peachy. Now, the game will start with Jack, go to Sam, then Gabe, Donna, Balthazar, over to Jody, Cas, and so on until we get back to Jack."

Cas nodded slowly, picking his cards up as Dean dealt them. He frowned as he caught the colors, sorting the blue and greens together and ignoring the other colors entirely. It seemed easy enough.

"You have to match either the number, color, or symbol/action. For example, say I lay down a blue six, you have to lay down either a blue card or card with a six on it."

Pretty straightforward of a game actually. The Seraph thought he might actually have a shot at this one. He glanced at his cards again, resorting them to make it easier to recall their sequence.

"You can also play the Wild Card, which I'll point out if someone—" he glanced here at Sam "has one." He then turned back. "If you don't have a match or you don't want to put it down for some reason, then you draw a card from the Draw Pile. Now, super important rule here, folks. You have to call out 'Uno' as you play your second-to-last card. All right. Any questions?"

"Yes, I have one," Balthazar quietly asked.

Dean glanced at him hesitantly.

"When are you going to make my brother an honest man?"

The Hunter scoffed, rolling his eyes. "About the game, dipshit. Do you have any questions about that? Or are you just going to be your usual stupid self?"

"My, aren't we touchy today," the blond angel drawled back before he chuckled to himself.

Dean flipped over a card from the Draw pile a moment later, though, glaring at the blond. "I'll start us off." A yellow two card stared up at them from the Discard pile. "All right, Jack, you take it from here."

"What about the action cards?" Cas asked, wanting to make sure he understood everything about it correctly. "How will we know what they mean?"

"I'll explain those as we go," Dean answered. "But they're pretty self-explanatory for the most part. There's Reverse, Draw 2, Skip, Wild, and Wild Draw 4."

Blue eyes stared at the green-eyed Hunter dazedly. _That_ was self-explanatory? He glanced at Gabriel, catching his older brother's badly hidden grin.

"I see," he mumbled quietly, glancing at his cards again. He had a nice rainbow of colors with a few variations of numbers. Perhaps this wouldn't go as badly as he envisioned it.

Maybe.

Fifteen minutes in, though, it was grossly apparent this was going to turn into a melee of violence if they continued.

Gabe kept putting down Skip cards on poor Donna, who was getting more and more frustrated as time went on. She had so far only been able to play one of her cards. Balthazar, on the other hand, had drawn nearly ten cards or more each time on average before he could finally lay down a card and further the game. Jody had laid down a Draw 2 on Cas almost instantly from the get-go, which caused Dean to pat his knee lightly in sympathy. Claire had surprisingly placed down no action cards, which Dean had whispered (as he had been helping Cas quite a bit with his hand when it was his turn) that either she was playing nice or waiting to screw them all over—with the wager currently on the latter. Patience and Alex had both decided early on to fold, claiming someone needed to make sure no one was cheating, as everyone was fairly suspicious of the angels—or rather the grinning archangel who looked cool as ever in the midst of chaotic disarray.

They had gone around the table at least four times before it finally happened.

Sam tilted his head slowly, a coy smile working at his lips. He then laid down the card silently and leaned back in his chair, stretching out in an almost lazily way.

"What?" Cas's older brother's mouth dropped. "Sam, what . . . no . . . you . . . _moose_!"

The Wild Draw 4 card Sam had laid down stared up, though.

"But—" cried the archangel, clearly stunned, as he'd had the lowest number of cards.

"It's nothing personal, Gabe," shrugged the long-haired Hunter.

"Nothing personal?" huffed back the sandy-haired man. "You just screwed me over! And not in the good way either, my beautiful moose!"

Dean snorted quietly beside Cas, turning his head and covering his mouth to hide his grin from the bickering two. His other hand was gently massaging just above the former angel's knee.

"It happens," Sam argued, shaking his head. "And you've been doing the same thing to Donna all night. So, you know, what goes around comes around."

"I am wounded, gravely, by this betrayal."

"It could be worse," piped up Balthazar as he leaned forward and glanced down at them.

"What?" Gabe scoffed, his head whipping towards the younger. "How could this be worse? I almost had that goddamn Uno!"

Steely gray eyes rolled upwards. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Oh, don't even start, you brat!" grumbled the older brother, pointing his finger at the blond.

"Moi?" Balthazar quipped, feigning innocence.

Cas's attention returned to his cards, though, desperately trying to ignore the heat of Dean's hand. He clearly was not understanding this game in the slightest. It seemed to be a game of strategy. He excelled in these types of scenarios usually, being an angel. Yet, no matter what he did, he couldn't figure this foolish game out. And it was, admittedly, pissing him off. He had yet to get an action card to 'screw someone over' as his brother eloquently put. In fact, he either had the matches or he didn't. Nothing else.

Dean must have been watching him closely again, realizing what was going through his mind. A second later, he felt the man lean closer to him, squeezing his hand lightly. He glanced towards his human with a deep frown, watching as Dean turned his head and hid his mouth behind his hand again.

"It's because you're assuming they're all being honest, Angel," mouthed the Hunter.

What?

Blue eyes darted about the table questionably. Could that be what it was? He thought back on the rules and sighed inwardly. Some of them just wanted to let the world burn—or rather let the player beside them burn. Others were in it to win and played the long game. He had been focused entirely on the short when he should have watched the—

"Hey!" Gabriel clapped his hands suddenly. "No flirting over there, Dealer!"

Green eyes rolled. "Don't you need to draw four, Gabe?"

The archangel instantly made a face and growled, snatching four cards from the deck. He muttered under his breath something as he slid the cards into his hand.

"Over to you, Donna," Dean stated with a faint smile.

She inclined her head towards him and then glanced at the blond beside her. She plucked the card from her hand and laid it down a moment later.

"What?" squawked Balthazar, his eyes widening. He then whipped his head towards Dean before he turned back to Donna. "Mother, how could you? I have been nothing but nice to you—and this is the thanks I get?" He faked sniffling and shook his head in utter astonishment. "Never have I ever been this betrayed in my life. I—"

Donna gave him a kind smile in return, though, gently patting his cheek maternally. "I know, but sometimes you drive me insane, so—sorry not sorry."

Balthazar's eyes widened before he huffed and leaned forward to glance at Gabriel, who was still sulking with his arms crossed—clearly still upset about Sam's Wild Draw 4 move on him. The blond then turned towards Dean and crossed his own arms.

"I find this game offensive."

"What?" the green-eyed Hunter scoffed. "Why?"

"Because it's pitting the angels of this group vs the humans, and we are obviously—"

"Sore losers?" Dean quipped with a smirk.

The cards then vanished with a flash of light.

"Gabriel!"

The petulant archangel brushed off everyone's outraged looks, though. "There, see, I won! The end!" He then grinned victoriously, as if everything was right with the world again. "So, what's next? Dirty Pictionary?"

"Ew! Gross, dude!" Claire grimaced before she gagged.

"We could do D&D," Sam offered.

"No!" Dean, Alex, Patience, and Balthazar all shouted.

"There's always Cards against—"

"Yeah, let's not," winced the Sioux Falls sheriff, awkwardly rubbing her neck.

Claire rolled her eyes before she glanced down at the older woman. "Why? Because you don't want your newly adopted wayward angel orphans to learn their new moms have dirty minds like theirs?"

"Oh?" Gabriel and Balthazar both turned to the sheriffs with matching grins. "Do tell."

"Nothing to say, boys," replied the shorter-haired woman, her eyes darting to Donna pointedly.

"What about a movie?" Jack suggested a moment later, as if he hadn't noticed their talk at all.

"Yeah, not really feeling it with the movies tonight, kid," quietly replied the eldest Winchester. "Maybe tomorrow. When we're all well-rested, you know?" Jack nodded instantly, clearly accepting the answer with no question.

Cas drank down more of his flavored water, as the others continued to debate their next move. He had been admittedly extremely distracted for a bit during Uno. Between Dean leaning in further, the light squeezes of his hand, the leg massages occasionally, the coy smiles . . . and then there was also the whole feuds that took place between the others that reminded him of demon vs angel battles.

At the feel of a hand suddenly against his inner thigh, the former Seraph jumped in surprise.

His head whipped to the side, catching Dean's crinkly smile beside him as the Hunter kept his eyes focused on Gabriel and Sam bickering over something. What was the man doing exactly? He quickly grabbed Dean's wrist, squeezing it firmly, which made the Hunter pause for a moment.

"Maybe we're going about this the wrong way," Sam announced, gaining everyone's attention.

"There's a right way?" Dean snorted, his fingers silently kneading Cas's muscle underneath.

"Well, games clearly are only going to set certain people into—"

"Hey! What are you looking at me for?" huffed Gabe. "You're the one who screwed me over, Sam." He shook his head disappointedly. "It's like I don't even know you anymore."

"Moving on," drawled Dean, his hand moving up Cas's leg a bit. "What's your idea, Sammy?"

"Well, what was one of our best memories together growing up?"

The eldest shrugged, pausing in his silent torture. "I don't know. Not like we had a lot of those."

"Yeah, but there had to be something we did together as a family that didn't—"

"Make you betray each other and cause me to question everything about my life," muttered the archangel beside the long-haired Hunter.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, get over it, Gabriel."

The amber eyes sharpened instantly with a raised mischievous brow. He then forced a thin smile before his eyes flicked downwards as if he knew about Dean's torture and then back to the forest green.

As if burned, Dean's hand instantly pulled back from Cas, and the Hunter sat up straighter.

The former angel nearly let out a sigh of relief, finding it much easier to breathe again. He had enjoyed the touches, the attention Dean was giving him, sure, but it was all so damn distracting. And he couldn't catch his breath during any of it, feeling lightheaded and overwhelmed by all of it.

"We could always do an angel thing this time?" Balthazar suggested quietly.

"What?"

Gabe's smile fell from his face while Cas's eyes narrowed in confusion. An Angel thing? What was that? Murdering all their brethren in the name of their absent father? Obeying no questions asked?

"Well, while we are from a regrettably rather abusive and frankly neglectful family, we did have moments where we were similar to you humans. At least from what I can recall."

"Balthy, no," murmured the older angelic brother.

"Balthy, yes," the blond coolly countered, meeting the somber amber. He then turned towards the others. "Our older brother—shocking I know considering what he projects to the rest of the world—would take Cassie and me sometimes to a place in Heaven where the night sky was unbelievable."

Cas felt Dean's eyes suddenly dart back to him and forced himself not to react. That had been long ago, and, thanks to Naomi, he could barely recall those times anymore except for brief flickers.

"More than one time, we adorable fledglings in his care found ourselves there, looking up and listening to him as he recited our history, about Creation, about all of it."

"That was a long time ago, Balthazar." Gabriel's voice was low and somber with that rare seriousness again.

"Yes, it was, but I seem to recall a certain angel—one of blue hue—who loved hearing our brother and his fabled stories about the humans."

Cas glanced down and sighed inwardly. He could vaguely remember bits and pieces of it, but there weren't whole memories anymore. They almost felt like someone else's memories, not his.

"Story time under the stars?"

"Not necessarily," replied the angel. "We could alter it of course. Add some of your human flair to it. Meld the angelic with the human." He shrugged lightly. "I'm told—or I was—that humans enjoy the beauty of it, the complexity, and the vastness of the night sky." He then motioned towards the sullen archangel. "And I happen to know an artist who would paint such beautiful canvases at one time."

With wide eyes, Sam turned towards the silent archangel beside him.

"Gabe?"

"That was a long time ago, Sam," quietly answered the archangel.

"Could you do that again, though?" Dean inquired, glancing at the sandy-haired man.

"Possibly." The archangel sighed and shook his head. "Maybe. Why?"

The Hunter nodded silently. "I've got an idea." He then patted Cas's hand. "Think it'll work?"

"Think what—oh!" He blinked in surprise, his eyes briefly glancing at Cas, before going silent.

"Dean?"

His Human waved away Cas's question, though, closing his eyes in obvious concentration.

The former Angel sighed inwardly, glancing back down. He used to be the only one who would hear Dean's prayers, the only angel the man would ever pray to—ever believe in. Now, his Hunter was praying to his brother. He knew it was foolish, but he couldn't help but feel a little pang of jealousy.

"Yeah. I think I can work with that," remarked his older brother a few moments later with a chuckle, meeting Cas's curious, albeit slightly jealous, eyes. "What do you say, little brother?"

"To?"

"Feel like joining your brothers outside for a moment while the humans discuss?"

"What?"

Gabe only smiled, though, and snapped his fingers.

When he, Balthazar, and Gabriel appeared outside the bunker momentarily afterwards, Cas frowned. The air was chilled by the light breeze blowing. He wished he'd had time to grab a robe or— He sighed heavily when a robe had been snapped onto his person shortly after. Normally, he'd have been slightly heartened by his brother's thoughtfulness, but right then all he could think of was the fact that he was outside while Dean was inside. And that plotting was underway. And that he had no idea what they were planning. So he had no way to know what the correct way to react was. Too many variables, not enough data to formulate the correct reaction.

"What are we doing out here, Gabriel?" finally asked the blue-eyed former angel with a sigh.

"You don't remember our talks, do you? When you two brats would play 'Annoy the shit out of Gabriel' day after day?"

Cas's eyes fell back to the dewy grass. Once again, he wished for his powers back—if only to escape this painful nightmare.

"That's all right, kiddo. It's not your fault if you don't."

He huffed, glancing upwards. No. It was Heaven's. It was their father's. It was Naomi's. It was Metatron's. It was everyone's, including his own. He had led to his own downfall rather spectacularly.

"Balthazar was right, though. You did enjoy those times we spent together."

Scoffing, Cas shook his head. "All the good that does me now. I barely remember any of it. And what I do recall, it's all just bits and pieces now. Hardly anything I can look back on fondly." He glanced upwards, quickly finding the Orion constellation. He could feel the familiar calm inside again.

"That was always your favorite one," his brother remarked, following his gaze upwards. "Though, I'm not sure if it was Dad or me who made it."

Blue eyes darted his way. "Yours. Father never would have lifted a finger to do something as silly as that," Cas replied bitterly.

"Ooh, I like this new Cassie," their younger brother chuckled. "So sassy."

"I was always like this, you ass. You just didn't notice."

"Oh, Cas," drawled the blond, patting his arm. "I always noticed you."

The messy-haired man turned away, though, with a long, annoyed sigh. "What did Dean ask?"

Gabe's eyes narrowed minutely before he chuckled quietly.

"It's killing you, isn't it?" his older brother asked with teasing eyes. "That your precious Dean prayed to me instead of you?"

Thoroughly disgusted now by this conversation, Castiel turned on his heel and headed back towards the bunker. He was so over this entire day. He'd just hide down in his room and wait his brothers out. They'd eventually be bored with him and leave. They always did.

"Come on, Cas. Quit being like this."

"Like what?" he demanded, whirling back. "Like, once again, everyone is plotting behind my back? Treating me like I'm going to break at any minute? Even Dean—a man who rarely shows any sort of emotion, let alone flaunting his weakness to others, least of all you two—is in on it."

"You're one to talk about plotting against one's back," Balthazar pointed out with a snort.

Cas glared back at his younger brother. The urge to punch the blond was growing rapidly again.

"Do you have any idea how I feel now? Any clue?" He scoffed when Balthazar frowned in response and glanced at Gabriel. "Of course you don't. Neither of you do." He then pointed at his older brother. "If you were in my shoes and Sam was praying to me, you'd be hurt just as much as I am."

"But it wasn't a true prayer, Cas," his brother sighed, letting his teasing fade into seriousness. "He just needed to tell me something without anyone overhearing, most of all you."

Cas threw his hands up. "Oh, yes, because that's so much better!"

"It is."

"No it's not!" It wasn't better! It wouldn't be better! It was horrible, and it hurt unimaginably.

"Hey, kiddo, stop," his brother ordered, taking a step towards him before pausing when Cas reared back suddenly. "Take a deep breath, all right?" He held his hands out when the younger gave him an annoyed look in return. "Inhale. Exhale. Come on. Do it with me now." He remained firm when Cas glared even harder back at him. "It'll calm you down. Just breathe in and out. Nice and easy."

He growled but did as his brother suggested. If only to prove that he _was_ perfectly calm. He inhaled deeply and held it for a moment. The cold air sat heavy in his lungs for a moment. As he counted back and exhaled not long after, he felt his earlier annoyance start to wane. Only to thrash around a second later at how stupid he was truly being. He was acting like a 'whiny bitch' as Dean would say. But he just didn't know how to handle all of this currently. It was too much all the time!

"Better?"

He lifted his eyes back up to the Heavens in response, being the brat his brothers claimed he was.

"Fine, imp," Gabe muttered. "I'll tell you his idea. Happy?"

"Ecstatic," quipped the new human with dripping sarcasm, glancing back as he waited.

"He and Sam used to light fireworks off sometimes. He asked me if I could take you outside while he told them about his idea of doing the same here with all of us. I'm supposed to snap my pretty little fingers and get the pyrotechnics. Though, the bigger reason was that he thought you needed a moment out here with us as well before they joined."

"Why?"

"Because he figured out that his little game of handsy under the table was affecting you, kiddo."

Cas's head tilted.

"You needed the air," his brother remarked dryly.

Oh. Cas shook his head, glancing down at the ground. He was trying. It just was difficult for him sometimes. There were more emotions to deal with this time than last. And, unfortunately, those were extremely potent for him. But he'd reach a balance eventually. Hopefully. Maybe?

Lifting up his head, he met his brother's look. "I'll master control of my emotions again soon enough," he declared. "I just need time to adjust to all of this again."

"Yeah," slowly remarked the sandy-haired man with a light scratch to the back of his neck, "he wasn't worried about that."

Blue eyes blinked. Okay . . .

"You're human now," his brother said, gesturing vaguely as if it somehow made things clearer.

"I'm aware of that. Thank you." Deeply aware. "Tell me something I don't know." He was already tired of people pointing it out. As if he could forget that after all with all the bouncing emotions.

"All right then." His older brother forced a smile. "Your Angel blade was at attention, kiddo."

Cas's brows knit together in confusion. "No. That's impossible." Gabe rolled his eyes. "My blade's in the nightstand." In fact, he was fairly certain of it. He had placed it there when Dean had insisted that he stay in the Hunter's room nightly. Something about not keeping the blade under a pillow and being stabbed in the middle of the night or something. Honestly, he hadn't really paid all that much attention once he heard Dean's 'You're staying here in our room from now on. Got it?'

Balthazar snorted before he held up a hand. "I've got this one, Gabe." He then turned towards him, gently resting a hand on Cas's arm. "Blood engorged your—"

The former blue-eyed angel's stomach dropped into Hell instantly. His brother's words faded away as he stared back in horror.

What?! Wide blues darted to Gabe, and Cas noticed his older brother's wince.

This had to be a-a mistake. He couldn't have—

The young Seraph—now human—glanced down at his groin, frowning slightly. In hindsight, he had noticed earlier during Uno that things had felt differently down there at one point. However, he had just assumed it was normal due to a heavy sodium and water intake. He saw no tell-tale signs of an erection any longer, so the cold thankfully had done its job. Oh dear.

"It happens to the best of us, kiddo," lightly stated his older brother before he clapped a hand onto his shoulder. "And, for the record, Dean-o should never have riled you up like that around them. Especially not in front of the kids and Mom. But I don't think he thought you'd react that much to him."

Cas scoffed. Probably true, considering how Dean was more of a doer than a— He cleared his throat harshly, stopping that thought instantly in its track. He did not need to think about that. He caught his brothers' wide grins and frowned. Damn angels.

"Hey, you used to be one, brat," his older brother pointed out. Gabe then leaned closer to him. "And you'll always be one too, little bro," he stated quietly, ruffling the raven locks affectionately.

"Speaking of which," Balthazar spoke up, gaining their attention. "I had an idea actually."

"Yeah, I thought I saw a little smoke coming out of your ears," Gabriel teased.

The steely greys rolled hard. "Hilarious."

"All right. What's your idea?"

"Well, since I was in the Empty during the Fall, and Gabriel was hiding out with porn stars—"

"Uh," Gabriel said, holding up a finger, "not exactly what I was—"

"Not the point either," Balthazar cut in sharply. "We both have our wings."

Azure eyes darted to the grass instantly. _Oh._

"And it's likely been years since you flew, hasn't it, Cassie?"

"Yes."

He watched the dew roll down a single blade silently. Most days he didn't even miss the heavy appendages that stuck out from his vessel's back, safely tucked elsewhere. The damn things always had hurt so badly after rescuing Dean from Hell and everything that followed. Years of mistreatment tended to do that, not to mention, neglect. He didn't even know when the last time was when he had properly groomed them. He supposed he never had while he had been in Jimmy's vessel.

It was a shame, too. His wings used to be so beautiful. He had been so proud of them.

"What do you say to a quick flight?"

"What?" Cas's head snapped up. Were they serious?

"Well, I would assume you miss it sometimes, right?"

"I do," he admitted. He missed it especially at night.

"I thought so." The steely greys darted to Gabriel. "So, shall we then? Before the humans show up and all decide they want one as well?"

He glanced towards the bunker guiltily. He was human now. In fact, he had even gained a soul.

"Cassie?"

It had been so long since he had last flown, though. He was used to driving around or walking now. Hell, he had even subjected himself once to flying the human way—in a tin can full of filth and human despair, not to mention the germs. And how they were all packed in on top of one another with no room to breathe whatsoever.

"No."

The word fell heavily from his lips. No he couldn't. It had been too long. The years had left behind a deep cavern inside that forced him to accept his grounding on Earth. He had to accept this long ago and adapt in order to survive, and he had. He had done it so much better than all his brothers and sisters before him. The thought of flying again—it scared him now unfortunately. What if his brothers let go of him accidentally in midflight? Unlike sure, but what if? What if he was too heavy and they couldn't pick him up off the ground? Oh, he couldn't even bare that scenario. And what if the flight itself was fine but the moment he landed again, he found himself vomiting horribly because he now had motion sickness? Vomiting was, after all, his least favorite human activity.

"I appreciate the offer, however," Cas stated, meeting his brothers' surprised looks as he continued. He was, no doubt, letting them down with this. What angel didn't enjoy flying, feeling the wind against them, the freeness of it all? "But I have to decline."

Balthazar looked like he was about to argue when Gabriel spoke up.

"All right then. If you decide to change your mind, you know how to reach us, kiddo."

Cas nodded. That he did. He watched his older brother then snap his fingers with several boxes appearing before them in a flash of light. Another snap of his brother's fingers, and everyone from inside the Bunker suddenly appeared outside.

Dean instantly huffed his outrage. "You know we could have walked over here, right, asshole?"

The archangel rolled his eyes. "Yes, but, like I always say, Dean-o, if you've got it, why not flaunt it?" He winked at the green-eyed Hunter before he raised a brow at the hazel-eyed younger Winchester who was watching him closely. "Something you want to say there, Sam?"

The long-haired man scoffed, though, and headed to one of the boxes of fireworks instead. He handed out the various items to the gathered group who quickly circled around him.

As everyone else was busy with that, Cas sighed inwardly, glancing upwards at the twinkling stars overhead. He was standing apart from everyone else, not wanting to join in quite yet.

"You okay?" Dean quietly asked, joining him a few seconds later with two long sticks of some firework in hand. The others had spread out now, waiting for the main show to start.

"I apologize about—" The Hunter shook his head, though, waving away his apology again.

"Hey, man, nothing for you to apologize over." Dean's voice was hushed so only he and Cas could hear his words. "I was the idiot who got you all worked up after all."

"Dean."

"Cas," he replied, matching the former angel's low, gravelly voice. They smiled at each other before they turned back and watched the sky again silently. It was a solid minute before Dean bumped his shoulder against him. "Hey, Cas?" The corner of his lip quivered slightly as he waited, as if he could barely contain his excitement about something.

"Yes, Dean?"

Was something wrong? Had he screwed this up somehow already? Should he have laughed or—

"It must have hurt when you fell from Heaven."

Cas blinked, glancing at the green-eyed human. "It did, Dean. Excruciatingly." He had thought the man had known this, but he'd explain again. For Dean. "Metatron had ripped out my Grace—"

The Hunter instantly covered his face and groaned. "I was flirtin' with you, dude."

"Oh." He winced inwardly. In hindsight, he should have realized that, he supposed. "I see."

The man snorted, though, and chuckled quietly. "Yeah." His eyes sparkled with the deep green Cas loved the most. "Not my best line, I admit, and probably should have used another, considering, but I had to try." His Hunter turned to glance at Sam and Jack who stood not far off.

He followed his gaze and watched them as well, thinking on what to say next to continue their moment of brevity. These times were rare in their lives unfortunately, and he wanted more of them. Many more of them. In fact, he craved seeing the lightness in his Righteous Man's eyes. It had been so long since then.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?" Green eyes reluctantly turned back to him.

"It must have hurt when I raised you from perdition," he stated, a shy smile on his lips.

"Christ, Cas," Dean groaned with deep chuckles, slapping his leg. "You suck at this, man."

"Correction," Sam remarked, walking up to them finally. "You both suck at this." He gave them a warm smile, though, before hazel eyes darted to the eldest Winchester. "Got your lighter?"

Cas noticed Dean's immediate flinch beside him before the man nodded jerkily.

"Yeah." He slowly pulled out a lighter from his jacket a second later. "Ready to see how humans paint the sky, Cas?"

The former angel nodded, unable to get the words out of his throat for some reason.

He watched the brothers both light the thin cords at the ends and hold their sticks of pyrotechnics out. A few moments later, he saw the first jet of light streak upwards with Dean's jet of light following Sam's close behind. When the streaks of light exploded in the sky, he tilted his head. More jets of light raced upwards and exploded, coloring the Heavens in all the hues of the rainbow magnificently.

He could hear laughter and sounds of happiness all around him. His eyes remained upwards, though, focused entirely on the beauty of their fireworks. He then noticed Gabriel's colorful displays join in the mix as his brother altered a few nebulas in the distance, making them show more than usual.

"Cas?"

The voice was low, hesitant even, as if afraid he'd run or worse.

"It's beautiful," whispered the former angel. He had never seen anything like it.

"Yeah." Dean gave a quiet laugh next to him. "Yeah, it is." He slowly wrapped an arm around Cas's waist, pulling the dark-haired man against him before he gently rested their heads together tenderly. "When Sammy and I were, uh, killed that time by Roy and Walt," he shrugged listlessly "I relived this memory of July 4th," he admitted quietly. "Only it was just Sammy and me then, course."

Yes. He could remember a bit about that time actually. He had used Baby's radio to speak to Dean, since Zachariah had blocked him from entering Heaven. "You met Joshua for me," Cas recalled, nodding. "And he informed you that Chuck . . ." His voice trailed off, and his eyes fell. That felt like a lifetime ago when he'd had such high beliefs in his father's goodness. Now, he knew the bitter truth.

"Yeah," Dean murmured, picking up where he had stopped. "When we found out your dad's pretty much the biggest dick since Tony Stark's dad."

"What?"

"Never mind, man." His Hunter sighed heavily, letting them stand in silence for a bit.

"Thank you, Dean." When he caught the questioning green, he smiled warmly. "For letting me experience a bit of your Heaven down here."

The Hunter snorted quietly and shook his head. "Yeah. It's nothing, Cas."

"On the contrary, it's quite something," argued the former angel, meeting the bright eyes. "There was a time when you'd have kept this to yourself, refused to let me in and see it."

"Yeah, I like to think I've grown a bit over the years."

Now it was Cas's turn to chuckle.

"Hey," Dean groused, lightly smacking the former angel in the chest. "What's that for, jerk? I have! I mean, I used to not believe in a damn thing but me and my brother. Then I met you and your damn blue eyes and messy hair that just screamed 'I got fucked' to anyone who would listen."

The electric blues rolled hard. "And I used to believe my father was full of goodness and love and mercy, deserving my unwavering loyalty. Then I met you and your damn green eyes and your maddening freckles and your spiked hair that screamed 'I will be your downfall' over and over to me."

Their grins were wide as they stared at one another.

"We've come a long way from the barn."

"You can say that again," drawled Sam, returning with a lit sparkler waving in front of him as he chuckled quietly. The trio glanced towards Gabe when the youngest archangel joined them a moment later. He too had a sparkler that he was waving wildly around in a seemingly childlike manner.

"Course you know why that is, right?" The mischievous archangel didn't wait before he carried on. "Because instead of jamming the Demon Blade in my brother, now you want to jam your—"

"Gabe!"

"Jeez. Tough crowd." The sandy-haired man snorted with a wide grin. "But, for the record, you're only upset with me because it's true."

"Whatever you say, asshole."

Cas's gaze lifted upwards then, observing the booming pyrotechnics that decorated the smoky sky from the others. As it had been for eleven years now, he and Dean silently watched side by side as the fireworks slowly grew into a swelling crescendo.

Eleven years ago, the Righteous Man had been yanked out of Hell by a fierce Angel of the Lord on behalf of his merciful Father's orders. Gripped tight and raised from Perdition, Soul and Grace seared together to form a bond that had defied any and all explanation. And this sweet Angel of Thursday, naïve as he was, quickly found himself plucked out of Heaven in response by his superiors, forcefully grounded onto the forbidden Paradise, where his Father's greatest creations lived. He too found that same salvation, absolute and earth-shattering. Profound, one might say. Soon, the Angel, overcome with humanity's greatest strength, willingly threw down his blade, his Grace, and all his mighty power. He fell for his Righteous Man—choosing humanity—and he would never look back. Not once. Not ever. For finally, this broken angel, lost for so long, had found his happiness, and he found it in humanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know. I have some pretty large loose threads that just haven't been wrapped up particularly well quite yet. Have no fear, I'm working on the next installment already that will tie them up. It's going to be a Sam-centered fic--because, well, SAM! I honestly don't write him enough in my fics, and he's so interesting to the dynamics.
> 
> So, enjoy the below teaser for the next in the series entitled Moose-Napped.
> 
> "Are you just going to sit there, Sam, and contemplate life? Or are you going to get dressed and join me out here?" remarked his kidnapper dryly. The person had to be in a nearby room. They didn't sound threatening, but he wasn't stupid.
> 
> He tossed aside the covers and sighed.
> 
> "So, what are you? Angel? Demon? Vampire? Werewolf? Something in between?" he called back, quickly reaching for his clothes before deciding to change into the second set instead. It was slightly too cool for shorts and a t-shirt in here. He kept his eyes trained on the door just in case his kidnapper decided to surprise him again.
> 
> "That's the million-dollar question, isn't it? What am I?" A gentle, kind laugh filtered in quietly. "But what I am is of no importance really in the scope of things. The actual question you should be asking yourself here, Sam, is what I want with you."


End file.
